An Expected Travel
by Authora97
Summary: Morgan and Darcy get back on the road. Their first journey? The Hobbit! (T for swearing and some gore! Come on guys, I have orcs fights in here.)
1. A Letter to My Daughter

My darling Lilac,

It's so odd to write this to you. You're so used to bedtime stories with my voice. You are used to being happy with us, surrounded by your large family. To cuddle beside your sister, to have your father standing protectively by the door, to your aunt being a ridiculous voice alongside mine.

As I'm writing this, it's been four months since I turned 200. You're only ten years old. It's so hard to believe sometimes. I can remember how I found you in a crater in my backyard, warm from the flames of entry. Though the memory is foggy, dreamlike, as if through the eyes of someone else.

I can remember when you were four and we moved to Ponyville. You ran into my arms, excited at the idea of new friends. Lilac, you filled a hole in my heart that I didn't know was there.

These last few months have been trying on all of us. It was devastating to our family to lose your aunt, Darcy, so long ago. I told you of her deaths (and subsequent resurrections) before. The time she fell into a fan, the stabbing, the most recent one was decapitation. The last one put much strain on my heart. My stomach is turning at the memory.

I had discovered my people. The humans with powers like mine. The Reality Walkers, or ' _Travelers'_. The people that can walk into realities of fiction. In rare cases, the _nonfiction_. (Tell no one, but _I'm_ the one who made the 'cherry tree' rumor. All of history was at stake, though. GW had to be elected!)

The Travelers leader, a man named Dominic Chamberlin, was no friend to our family. There are many wrongs I have committed in my long life, Lilac, many things I have regretted. To Dominic, my crime was being _born._ He threw your aunt and I into the dungeons. He threw _you_ in cells, like you were a pet at the pound. He told me he planned to _kill_ you.

After hearing of our upcoming executions, your aunt put herself in my place. She died. It broke my heart.

The next few hours were not my best. I hurt a lot of people to get to Dominic. To make him feel the pain I had felt when I lost Darcy.

Another regret of mine was when you walked in and saw.

Another regret of mine was the cautiousness you had with me after. That you had been _scared_ of _me_.

Another regret was that I thought I had lost you forever.

My people saw it as a 'trial by combat'. I won the title of leader. Crowned Princess of the Travelers. They saw me as a _savior._ I don't feel like one, Lilac, even after all this time.

On our sixteenth Human birthday, nine months after her death, I brought Darcy back again. It was a complicated spell. I had to pull out all the stops to drag her into the land of the living. (Let's just say it involved a voodoo necklace and a doll then leave it at that)

There was a lot of things that needed tending to after her return. She wasn't the only new addition to our family. There was my boyfriend, and your sister. Our people needed time to adjust. Myself more than any. Our family of two became a family of five in a few short weeks. It was a struggle for you too.

You didn't take well to all the new family. I can remember you being so nervous around your sister. It took some convincing, and now that girl thinks of you as her hero. It was no better with your father. When you met him, you wouldn't stop glaring! I know you don't want to hear this, but you were _adorable_!

I love your aunt. I know the madwoman like I know my own mind. She's my twin, so I _should_ know her best. She's an adventurous sort. She loves to _move_. She loves to _fight_. If I don't shut her up soon, I'm going to kill her again.

When everything was peaceful again, (in December in the year old our Lord 2013) I asked Darcy where she wanted to go.

Every since she first heard of it, Darcy has wanted to Travel to realm of Middle Earth. She loved hearing about the stories of Frodo Baggins, the hobbit. She loved hearing about how dwarves walked the land, battle hardened warriors from the stone. She loved the elves, how they were so intuned with Middle Earth. She would deny it, but she loved the romance of Aragon and Arwen.

(Though I think her favorite story was hearing about CS Lewis and the lamppost)

So it was no surprise when she said she want to go to _The Hobbit_. Especially not after she dragged me to see _Desolation of Smaug_.

It had taken a bit of work ( _some_ called it cheating, I call it _creatively finding the answer_ ) for me to get _'Battle of the Five Armies'_. (Though for your sake, you best have plausible deniability as to how I got it)

Darcy and I set to leave for Middle Earth. I know _you_ haven't seen this movie so I'll explain everything as best I can.

This just might be the most important story I ever tell you. I have kept many secrets from you. You were too young for such knowledge, back then. Please pay attention. Above all, understand I did what I felt was right.

My story begins with someone else's. For in the realm of Middle Earth, far off to the east, was a civilization. The like of which you will not find in any world today.

There was the city of Dale. Its markets known far and wide, full of precious fruits and cloths. Peaceful, and prosperous. For this city lay before the doors of the greatest kingdom in Middle-earth: Erebor. Stronghold of Thror, King under the Mountain, mightiest of the dwarf lords.

Thror ruled with utter surety, never doubting his house would endure, for his line lay secure in the lives of his son and grandson. (I'll be getting to _him_ later)

Erebor was a sight. The kingdom was built _inside_ the mountain. Dwarves were said to have been born out of stone, so the mountains were where they felt most at home. The beauty of this fortress city was legend.

Its wealth lay in the earth, in precious gems hewed from rock, and in great seams of gold, running like rivers through stone. The skill of the dwarves was unequaled, fashioning objects of great beauty out of diamond, emerald, ruby, and sapphire. Ever they delved deeper, down into the dark.

And that is where they found it. The heart of the mountain. The Arkenstone. Thror named it the King's Jewel. He took it as a sign, a sign that his right to rule was _divine_. Creatures of all races would pay homage to him, even the great Elvenking, Thranduil.

As per usual, things went wrong.

It never rains, it _pours._

Overtime, Thror's love of gold had grown too fierce. A sickness had begun to grow within him; it was a sickness of the mind. And where sickness thrives, bad things will follow.

The first they heard was a noise like a hurricane coming down from the north. The pines on the mountain creaked and cracked in a hot, dry wind.

A dragon. They called him Smaug.

He destroyed the city of Dale in less than a day. They meant nothing to Smaug. _People_ meant nothing to Smaug. He cared only for the gold, unwilling to let anything stand in his way.

He claimed the Lonely Mountain as his own, casting out the dwarves from their ancestral home. A dragon will do anything to protect their hoard.

Our family, Lilac, knows this better than most.

The dwarves begged for the help of the elves. Thranduil would not risk the lives of his kin against the wrath of the dragon. No help came from the elves that day, or any day since.

Robbed of their homeland, the dwarves of Erebor wandered the wilderness, a once mighty people brought low.

The young dwarf prince, Thorin Oakenshield, took work where he could find it. He always he remembered the mountain smoke beneath the moon, the trees like torches blazing bright, for he had seen dragon fire in the sky, and his city turned to ash, and never forgave, and he never forgot.

That, my darling Lilac, is where the hero of our story comes in.

You know the name of Bilbo Baggins. There's that cute song about him. You've heard me singing _'In the middle of the earth, in the land of the Shire, lives a brave little Hobbit who we all admire.'_

Sorry, I just love that song.

Some say it was a stroke of luck that brought him into this tale. Some are more mindful to say it was all a certain _wizard's_ idea. Who can say for sure?

It began, well, it began as you might expect. Your aunt and I made a dramatic landing. We're Stardusts, _nothing_ is done _simply._

 **==AET==**

 **AN: Shout out to djmegamouth. Another shout out to everyone in my life who pushed for this story.**

 **For those who care, this story takes place four months after the events of** _ **DMLC**_ **. I summed up the story in this chapter so I hope there isn't any confusion. If there is, why don't you leave a review?**

 **You know what? Leave a review anyway. It would make me** _ **so**_ **happy that other people are enjoying this.**


	2. Wizards of Isengard

There was a heavy thud as I landed on the stone floor. My feet were shakily holding me upright as I waved my arms about to keep balance. _'If it looks stupid but works, then it's not stupid'_.

Once I was balanced, I observed my surroundings. The walls were the same dark black obsidian stone as the floor. The arches of the ceiling went on. There wasn't much natural light in this room yet the arm tasted free of dust. Torches were hung on the wall, showing that there wasn't an furniture to speak of. There was a door behind me, closed tight and definitely made of hard metal, no window to speak of but a heavy old fashioned lock. The room had an air of _'less than welcome'_.

There was a mural on the wall facing me, the torches casting shadows on what was possibly a beautiful piece of art. There was an outline of a horse, and it's rider. I believed it was Saruman, based on the glimpses of brilliant white I saw.

It was all the confirmation I needed. I was in Isengard.

With my location assured, I got onto my appearance. My hand went up to my hair. I found shoulder length black strands, curling all the way to the tips. When I had a chance, I would find a hair tie for it. This much hair was bound to annoy me in later months. My skin was a natural tan, decorated with freckles.

My outfit had changed from the pajamas I was wearing earlier. My pajama bottoms were replaced with denim blue trousers, reaching to the cinnamon brown knee high boots. My top was a simply white button up, simple but functional. The shirt and trousers were covered by a tan surcoat, which looked more like a robe with it reaching to my feet. There was a smoke grey corset over my chest, though not in a way that felt constrictive.

There was a comforting weight on my back and shoulder. The back over my shoulder was my magic bag, which was enchanted to be larger on the inside. There was a lot of things in here that I valued in here. Along with some changes of clothes. The pack on my back was full of survival gear for this adventure. I had purchased the bag for this purpose.

"You okay?" An English voice asked from my left.

I turned to it sharply. There was a familiar face (it _felt_ familiar, at least) staring back at me. She stared at me with sharp glittering purple eyes. Recognition slowly shining behind them.

Her skin was the same tan with freckles. The hair was longer, though because her hair was in black waves instead of curls. Her clothing was _much_ different. Her trousers were black. Her boots were chocolate brown. Her surcoat was was red, with marks like charcoal all over it. I couldn't see her shirt, but I knew it had no sleeves. Her corset was a smokey grey. There was a backpack on her back as well.

"As best as I can be." My voice had the same English lit as her's. How lovely that we were twins again.

Darcy smirked at my voice.

"We're in Isengard, yeah?" I asked, eyeing the black obsidian walls.

My sister nodded, beaming like a child who had earned her first gold star. "Isengard. Also known as Angrenost, which translates to the Iron Fortress." She walked the room, her boots softly clapping on the stone floor. "It has been called the Fortress as Gondor before changing hands to Saruman, thus tilted the Fortress of Saruman. Others can call it the Wizard's Vale, and Nan Curunír."

Darcy turned towards me, still explaining as she continued to walk at a calm pace. "We must be in the Tower of Orthanc, which is the center of Isengard." She stopped to stare at the stone mural between the torches.

I was happy to see her be so knowledgeable on something that didn't involve weapons.

"When should we be meeting Gandalf?" I asked, holding my backpack closer to me. Though I knew we were closer to Saruman, I preferred not to meet the White wizard. He made me feel nervous.

Darcy turned to me, thinking it over. "There's no real way of telling. He can be anywhere in Middle Earth." She knelt down to the ground, pulling her backpack off. She brought out a brown leather bound journal. She rapidly turned the pages, scanning them with her sharp purple eyes. "Before he's spoken to Thorin, hopefully. I'm sure we have plenty of time."

"For?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. I walked around the empty room, staring up at the intricate torches. "What would we do? Recruit others for our cause? Volunteer for rescue services?"

"To make our place." Darcy explained in delight. "Gandalf is a trusting man, all we'll really have to tell him is that we can help reclaim Erebor. Thorin will take on anyone that Gandalf endorses. We can do almost anything if we tell him we have knowledge that we can use for good." She got back to searching her book, idly walking with it.

"Can't believe you want to help people." Shaking my head, I grinned in pride at her.

Darcy stared up at me with a grimace. "It's _The Hobbit_. Of course I'm helping the Dwarrows reclaim Erebor from Smaug the Great and Terrible!"

"Dwarrows?"

"Politically correct term. They don't mind either one."

"Ah."

Lilac, you would be so proud of your aunt. She had done so much research for this adventure. She had learned the Elf speak, Sindarin, and the language of flowers for Hobbits. She knew the proper mealtimes for Hobbits as well. Throughout the journey, she learned about Dwarf braid and head culture. She still puts the beads in her hair.

It was all in her journal. That journal became our guide for the world. I have shown it to you many times. You've seen the drawings of Dwarf braid styles, and the head carvings she had seen. By the time all was said and done, she had flowers pressed inside the book.

She even put in the maps of Middle Earth. Thorin's map (with translated Moon Runes), Middle Earth's map, and one of the path we would take. For fun there was a Durin and Hobbit family tree! Darcy loved the idea of knowing more than I did about something.

No, actually, it wasn't an _idea_. This time, she properly knew more than I did. She knew Tolkien like I knew _Doctor Who_.

"Well now that I can be politically correct with a dwarf, how can I be politically correct with myself?" I asked her. "What are _we_? I know we landed at Isengard, the Wizard's...Vale, but is it because we're Wizards or because this place has a lot of magic? We've been known to be brought to places with high magic content first."

Darcy gave a half hearted shrug. She put her journal back in her pack. She threw it over her shoulder, a thoughtful look on her face. "Personally, I hope for the Wizard thing. It might even be _logically_! When has anything I ever said been logical?!" She finished as she pulled her pack on.

"It scares me too." I teased. "Seriously though."

"Impatient wanker." Darcy teaser back.

The two of us made our way towards the door. There were no answers to be found in here.

It was a surprise when the door opened, swinging inwards. For a moment I thought it was an automatic door. The theory was ridiculous when I saw a man dressed in white and a man in grey.

My sister reached for a blade. Even after so much time apart, I could sense her form tense when she realized her blades were missing. I was in no place to talk, my hand itches for my gun. I adjusted faster to the lack of weapon, instead observing the Wizards blocking our exit.

Saruman was tall. His time inside Isengard had made his skin slightly pale, making the few lines there stand out. There was something dangerous in his beady black eyes. His beard and hair were the same length, colored so light a gray it looked white. His off white robes reached to the floor, though the ends weren't ruined by the ground.

He seemed to be observing me as I observed him. The Wizard could wipe my sister and I off Middle Earth if he wanted. I kept my expression conserved, and kept up a mental barrier on my mind. Darcy hadn't said if the Wizards could read my mind, I had read _Harry Potter_ so I knew it was a _possibility_. It was too much of a risk that Saruman could see what I knew. I had plenty of experience of unwanted people inside my mind.

The Grey (future White) Wizard was more open if his curiosity. There was powerful magic in him as well. His robe also reached to the ground. It was dark gray like a marathon runner's tracksuit. He wore (what I thought) was a _proper_ Wizard hat. He had heavy laughter lines on the sides of his mouth and eyes. His blue-grey eyes glanced at me sister, lightening up in delight.

They both held their staffs proudly. Saruman, gripping the handle as if to prepare an offense. Gandalf, holding his like he didn't remember it was there though he would use whatever force needed should we not reach peace.

Satisfied, I lifted my hand up enough to Darcy to see it. It was safe enough to relax. She would never be fully relaxed around Saruman, not with his future alliance with Sauron. She needed to stay calm unless she wanted us dead.

Darcy stood down. Her hands clenched into fists though.

Saruman spoke first. He observed my sister, though spoke to me. "It has been many years since someone has entered this place without alerting myself. Much longer since they were two." He explained. He turned his focus back to me. "Never before have they been women."

I bowed my head, hopefully in a thanking gesture. "The compliments are well received, if it was our intent to surprise." These long winded sentences were going to annoy me by the end of this. It's stuff like this that I stopped dealing with royalty. "Our apologies are due for any disruption we have caused."

"Then tell me. What had been your intended action?" Saruman asked. "If not then to invade Isengard for a misinformed attack?"

As much as it would help, I couldn't tell him we had come from another reality.

"We were hoping you would tell us, sir." Darcy spoke. She walked up to my side, keeping a level stare with Saruman. "You see, my sister and I have no way of telling how we arrived in this room. We saw your mural, and decided to look for you since this is clearly your domain. Everything beyond who we are is blurry. We don't know what we are, or who our unwitting Host is."

Saruman's gaze lit up in interest. Though he did not completely believe us. "An interesting predicament."

"I would say so, yes."

The White Wizard kept a stern face. Though Gandalf was becoming much more sympathetic to us. We would get more help from him.

"Bring these two to the Tower." Saruman instructed Gandalf, not acknowledging him. "It seems we have much to discuss. "I must go search."

The Grey Wizard bowed his head. "Of course."

"What are the names of our apparent hosts?" Darcy asked from behind me. Saruman and Gandalf looked at us in disbelief. "Yes, we _are_ that stupid. Still need those names."

"Should we not know the name of our guests first?" Gandalf countered.

"Darcy the Red, daughter of Emily."

"Morgan the Pink, daughter of Sarah."

"You said you were sisters." Saruman reminded sharply.

"My sister and I were raised separately." Darcy explained. There was a strength to her voice. "Though I am not related by blood, Emily is still my mother."

I smiled fondly at the story. Darcy was born in Chicago, in her reality of _Child's Play_.

"Though it came as a surprise to myself." I admitted. "She has brought light to my life."

"I am Gandalf the Grey." The wizard bowed in respect. "And your host, is Saruman the White. You two have landed yourselves inside Isengard, one of the most defensible fortresses of Middle Earth."

' _Let it never be said that our family did things by halves.'_

 **==AET==**

 **AN: I write most of this in a Math class. My first day back in college, and I wrote** _ **this**_ **while everyone else wrote notes.**

 **It's my little sister's third birthday. Happy birthday, sis! I know you can't read this (or anything!) but the thought is still there.**

 **Oh, and I sprained my big toe. I wish I had some magic to heal it!**

 **Thanks to Dinosaur Imperial Soldier, djmegamouth, Sleepless Kueen, and WingDings13 for favoriting**

 **Thanks to Dinosaur Imperial Soldier, djmegamouth, Sleepless Kueen, and WingDings13 for following**


	3. She-Wizards

The Tower of Isengard reminded me too much of the scene in _Lord of the Rings_ when Saruman fought Gandalf. The betrayal of the supposed light Wizard. Then there was the crystal ball, which will one day possession of Perrin Took. The orb in which Saruman would communicate with Sauron.

The giant expanse of land just outside Isengard. The pits I knew would one day be used to create an army for Sauron. There was the forest out in the distance, visible from a large window, where I knew the Ents were unaware of the fates of their brother trees.

What? I like the movies. I'd _never_ tell Darcy. She would make me read the books. I'm a fair weather fan of Tolkien, thank you.

The room was the same black. The black that seemed to suck up the colors of everything else. No wonder Saruman gave in. How could anyone spend such long periods of time in this place and not give in?

My attention went back to the matters at hand. I stood at attention in the main area of Saruman's meeting hall.

Saruman observed my sister and I with an even stare. I kept my shoulders squared. There had been a lot of long winded explanation about us which included just about the best conversation-

"I take it from all this pomp and circumstances that we are...wizards?"

Saruman gave us a calm nod.

My sister and I exchanged a look. There was a matching thought in our eyes.

' _Yer a wizard, sister.'_

"Another surprise?" Saruman asked.

"Yes." We answered together. It was our best party trick. _(Though I'm pretty sure my cousins are_ never _talking to us again)_

Gandalf watched us with amusement in his eye, as well as cautiousness. "You seem to be in the habit of that."

"We know." We, again, answered together.

-I have ever had about wizardry.

Things turned to an interrogation not long after that. Who we were, what were our origins, what led us to Isengard, what exactly we planned to do here.

It was really annoying. We managed to get something resembling the truth going. It would be kinda counterproductive for us to say Darcy and I came from another universe.

Still, by the end of the day Saruman believed my story. He agreed to have us trained as proper wizards of Isengard.

Under one condition.

==AET==

"Now I'm pissed because they won't give me a weapon!"

Though I would have laughed at her pain, it annoyed me too. Swords and daggers weren't my style, they were more Darcy's than my own. Give me an arrow and a bow, and I'll be a warrior. Magic and words had always felt more my weapons.

The White Wizard had told us that training Wizards weren't given weapons, not until they had their magic mastered. Besides that, the two of us were strangers in their land, you don't give strangers the means to kill you.

So now, we waited in a guest room. They _said,_ it was a guest room. I didn't really want to think on what else it could be.

Saruman had told Gandalf to get use some more appropriate clothes. It was a bit of a downer to hear we'd have to wear colored robes. I liked the outfit I arrived in. A dark pink robe would mess the whole thing up.

"I guess there's something good." Darcy commented. Looking over to her showed me the joking grin on her face. "They call me 'The Red'. I can joke about shoving my foot up people's asses."

My hand met my forehead with a clap. "That's 'Red' not 'The Red', you idiot."

"They won't know that." Darcy countered, lying back on one of the lounge chairs.

"...at least I know you're not 'Well Read'." The snarky comment took a minute to get to her.

"Yeah. Good poin-HEY!"

Her indignant shout made me snicker.

This was why we'd come here. After a near decade of fighting with the other, Darcy and I needed a trip so we could find some flow between us. It'd been a tense four months. This trip was my olive branch to Darcy.

Now she and I were laughing. I missed that.

So hearing we couldn't even _weapon train_ together? A thing that bonded us in childhood? Yeah that fucked up my Travel plan.

"Keep laughing, bitch. How are we getting from _here_ to _Bilbo_?" Darcy asked.

She had me there.

"Then I guess we'll just have to ask."

"But that's _hard_!" Darcy whined. "Can't we just sneak out?"

"Yeah, except I don't know how we climb down the Tower edge." I explained. "I'm not exactly packed for a base climb."

Darcy made a noise of dissatisfaction.

A road trip is exactly what me and Darcy need.

"Can I kill someone?" Darcy groaned impatiently.

"Who's here that you could even kill?" I asked.

Just then, Gandalf walked in.

"Ah." Darcy smiled, childishly.

"No." I sternly ordered.

She pouted at me. That trick hadn't worked since she turned ten.

"Gandalf." Ignoring my sister, I moved my focus to the grey wizard. "What brings you here? Our robes here yet?"

"No. I'm about to go on a journey."

"What kind?!" Darcy asked, excitedly. She hopped off her chair. She rushed up to Gandalf's side, looking up at him with wide eyes.

The Grey Wizard smiled down at her. "Well, the adventurous sort I should hope. It's

"Take us with you!" Darcy demanded.

"Oi." I stood up from my spot, walking over to Darcy's side. I whacked her arm (I had wanted to whack her head, but her hair looked nice and she'd kill if I messed it up.)

"Shut it, Morgue, I'm making a serious point!" She stomped her foot. I snorted, shaking my head happily. A giddy smile grew on my face as I watched this play out. "We need to go with you! This place is _depressing!_ "

Gandalf was actually considering the idea. He had a thoughtful look on his face, his eyes scanning Darcy as if imagining her on this adventure.

"...you know, _I_ think it'd be a great idea to have three wizards with them."

Gandalf gave me a delighted eyebrow. "You do?"

"Yeah. Cause, we'd learn about magic..." I listed.

"Magic learning, yes that's a biggie." Darcy agreed, bobbing her head with me.

"...We'd get to explore the land of Middle Earth..."

"That we need. We're practically blind in this place."

"...my sister and I actually learn better through experience then training..."

"I won't do well in a classroom setting. I'll set something on fire."

"...and lastly we'd make friends! We need friends outside of Isengard!"

"Cause you and Mr White upstairs are cool, but like you're not cool _enough_ , you know?"

"No offense." I added.

"No I wanted that to be offensive." Darcy assured.

Well that just brought my giddy smile back. "That's a good sum of your character."

"Ain't it just?" Darcy grinned like a doofus.

The two of us turned to Gandalf. Funny how he wasn't put off by any of Darcy and I's antics. Then again, this was the guy that brought Bilbo along because it _'it would be most amusing to me'_.

"So can we come with?" We asked.

"You don't even know where we'd be going." Gandalf pointed out. That wasn't a _'no'_.

Darcy and I shook our heads. "Don't know." Darcy started.

"Don't care." I added.

"Just take us there." We finished.

"Oh gods, we just rhymed." Darcy face-palmed. "I hate when we talk in rhymes."

"Cause I'm no Walter White, and you're no Rick Grimes!" I chirped.

Darcy gave me a smile that plainly said _'can I throw you out a window?'_

Gandalf glanced between the two of us. His smile was getting bigger and bigger. There was mischief in his eyes and I liked it. "There's a chance you will have to fight a dragon."

"Nothing we haven't done before." I assured, practically begging.

Darcy made a noise of disagreement. " _You've_ done it."

"Then you'll learn how to, that's the whole reason we're doing this."

"So I can fight the dragon?"

"Ask the Grey wizard. _Nicely._ "

"Can we pretty please fight the dragon?" She asked with a childish high pitched voice.

"It was the purpose of my original visit." Gandalf admitted, giving us knowing looks.

Darcy and I blinked, keeping our faces blank instead of sheepish.

"But first." That glint of mischief spread out across his whole face. "We'll need to see a particularly troubled dwarf."

"What's troubling him?" Darcy asked instantly.

"Why, the dragon of course." Gandalf answered.

"Ah."

 **==AET==**

 **AN: Woohoo! I updated! And just before my three week vacation! It's been a rough couple months, 2017 hasn't been my year, so I'm looking forward to relaxing!**

 **So yeah, I realize it's a weak jump into the Company but hey, I gotta have those every now and then. The Walter White/Rick Grimes thing is related to an Epic Rap Battle of History, which I always saw Morgan and Darcy doing when they were bored (and really, the line** _ **'having dinner by the pool with the DEA**_ **' is funny to me, cause those are Darcy's initials) Seriously, I picture these two would battle-rapping whenever it's quiet.**

 **Thanks to Mystical Glowing Topaz for following**


	4. Thorin, Son of Thrain

The Prancing Pony was filled with the excited cheers of all races. They were Men, Hobbits, with the occasional Dwarf. Darcy and I made our way in behind Gandalf. The tall Wizard had made it difficult to see the other patrons without craning our heads around his arms.

He had given us cloaks before our journey here. Her's was a rich dark red. Mine was a dark pink. It had taken some work (and definitely some magic) to get it to the right shade of pink. Gandalf had been curious at my color choice but didn't ask.

Along the way, he had taught us some useful spells. They were mostly defense ones. He didn't think we were ready for full blown attack spells yet. Of course, he'd never seen Darcy with a butter knife. We could take anything to make it a weapon.

(This is not a joke. Darcy told me she knows how to kill a guy with a rubber duck!)

Gandalf had gone on to say that those wooden staffs they had weren't created for them. Usually they were found, created in the heat of the moment when the Wizard needed it most.

So, Darcy and I were being taught how to write without pencils.

As a two hundred year old crown princess, mother of two, it was degrading.

Darcy no doubt saw it as a challenge.

"Hostiles?" I asked. My eyes began doing my own sweep of the crowd.

"Assassin, bored." Darcy commented, staring idly at the thin Man from the movie. "Hasn't had a good job in-oh-I'd say four months."

"Five." I corrected. "He killed someone four months ago, but it wasn't a job. The other Man had gold."

Darcy made a noise of agreement. She observed the fatter one half blind one, hidden in the booth. "Ex guardsmen. Eager for coin."

Gandalf stared at us in surprise. "Oh. Are you familiar with those men?"

"Never seen them before tonight." My sister and I replied.

"Then how do you know so much?" Gandalf asked. He was smiling with a sparkle in his eyes.

"I'm an assassin by trade." Darcy revealed. She was continuing to observe the other patrons, as if one would leap out at us any moment. She was not a paranoid sort, more that she had four decades until her belt that taught her the joys of caution.

She liked what she saw, for her shoulders relaxed slightly. "I always need to know who else wants to kill me, and what skills they have to do so."

"You _could_ call me a guard. It's my job to find the law breakers, wherever they are likely to turn up." I explained. "So basically, it's my job to catch people like my sister."

"And it's my job to avoid people like my sister." Darcy teased.

"So we're the best at our jobs." My sister and I agreed.

Gandalf lifted his eyebrow at us. His eyes twinkled in mirth.

"It would be for the best if I did all the talking." He reminded, cautiously. "This particular dwarf can be stubborn

"Warning you now, that's not gonna happen." Darcy warned. "I'm going to make a joke at one point. My sister is, without a doubt, going to scold me on it."

"She's right." Was my helpful reply. "In addition, I can't keep my mouth shut either. Not unless I'm properly scolded. And I mean _properly_. But then, Darcy gets me talking again."

Darcy gave Gandalf a thumb-up, telling him I was right.

Gandalf smiled at us under his beard. "Oh. You three will get on swimmingly."

Darcy smiled toothily. I smiled with my tongue between my teeth.

Thorin's sharp eyes scanned the room. He ended up glaring at everyone. Not even the few Hobbits here were spared from his paranoid eyes.

"Mind if we join you?" Gandalf asked the King Under the Mountain while he stole a seat.

The Dwarf stared at us in shock. My sister and I smiled innocently. I took a seat next to Gandalf, while Darcy took the one beside Thorin.

"I'll have the same." Gandalf told the waitress.

"Just eggs and sausage for me, thanks." I added, giving her an understanding smile. I don't think I would've lasted long in a job like this. I'd've hit customers on the head more than once.

"Same as her." Darcy smirked at the waitress.

The woman nodded politely. She eyed us three strangely for a moment, then made her way to the kitchens.

"I should introduce myself. My name is Gandalf." The Wizard spoke softly enough so the other patrons wouldn't hear, but loud enough for Thorin to over the loud mirth in the room. "Gandalf the Grey."

"I know who you are." Thorin stated. He was pretending not to be a paranoid dwarf.

"Well, now. This is a fine chance." Gandalf stated. "Though I would be hard pressed if you knew of my apprentices."

"Morgan Stardust the Pink, daughter of Sarah, at your service." I gave a curt and polite nod of my head.

"Darcy Stardust the Red, daughter of Emily, at your service." My sister added, copying my nod to the exiled dwarf king.

"What brings Thorin Oakenshield to Bree?" The two of us asked.

The dwarf king stared at us in surprise. It wouldn't have been a shock to me if he was seeing his nephews as he observed us.

The two of us blinked rapidly at him, while awaiting his reply.

Beside me, Gandalf was trying to contain chuckles.

"I received word that my father had been seen wandering the Wilds near Dunland." Thorin admitted. His icy blue eyes were moving between us three Wizards. "I went looking. I found no sign of him."

The Grey Wizard looked at him with hesitance. "Thorin, it's been a long time since anything but rumor was heard of Thrain." He reminded.

"He still lives. I am sure of it." Thorin whispered in reverence.

Gandalf backed off. His eyes still held doubt.

Thankfully, our food arrived just then. Gandalf happily picked at his meal. Darcy went to work giving me her eggs. I gave her my sausage. We moved with the air of having done this a thousand times.

We had. It had been four months of this. I can honestly say I've loved every bit of it. After Darcy was dead for so long, coming back, then dying again, I doubted we would connect as well as we did before. I doubted there would be an ease to our moves. I doubted my sister and I were the perfect team like before.

Except, we hadn't been perfect before. We had fought. We ignored faults. I didn't trust her completely with her own abilities. I was striving to do better. Maybe if I did better, she wouldn't die again.

I didn't know that Darcy was thinking the same thing.

Too be honest, I was trying to bury my guilt under this _deliciously_ cooked eggs.

"My father came to see you before he went missing. What did you say to him?" Thorin interrogated.

"I urged him to march upon Erebor, to rally the seven armies of the Dwarves to destroy the dragon and take back the Lonely Mountain." Gandalf admitted to Thorin's surprise. "And I would say the same to you. Take back your homeland."

"This is no chance meeting, is it, Gandalf?" Thorin realized.

"You were right, Gandalf. This dwarf is a genius." Darcy stated, taking another bite of the sausage.

The Grey Wizard met Thorin's harsh stare. "No. It is not." He reached under his cloak for the note. "The Lonely Mountain troubles me, Thorin. That dragon has sat there long enough. Sooner or later darker minds will turn towards Erebor."

He pulled out the note. "I ran into some unsavory characters whilst traveling on the Greenway. They mistook me for a vagabond. I imagine they regretted that." He pushed the note to Thorin. "One of them was carrying a message." "It is Black Speech. A promise of payment."

"For what?" Thorin asked. Though by the look in his eyes, he already suspected something.

"Your head." I answered.

Thorin moved his eyes to me. The cold blue darkened in understanding.

"Someone wants you dead. Thorin, you can wait no longer. You are the heir to the Throne of Durin." Gandalf went on pleading his case. "Unite the armies of the Dwarves. Together, you have the might and power to retake Erebor."

Thorin straightened his shoulders back. He didn't seem to like this plan. Then again, if I was still convinced my long considered dead king for a father was out there, I wouldn't want the crown either. There was a crown on my head _already_ , I barely wanted it there.

"Summon a meeting of the seven Dwarf families. Demand they stand by their oath." Gandalf explained.

"The seven armies swore that oath to the one who wields the King's Jewel. The Arkenstone." Thorin reminded him in desperation. "It is the only thing that will unite them, and in case you have forgotten that jewel was stolen by Smaug."

As he said this, the two would-be assassins from earlier left.

"What if we were to help you reclaim it?" Gandalf offered.

"How? The Arkenstone lies half a world away buried beneath the feet of a _fire-breathing dragon_." Thorin argued.

"Yes, it does." I chirped, finishing off my eggs.

"Which is why we're going to need a burglar." Darcy purred, finishing off her sausages.

Thorin looked between the three of us as if we were mad.

At the same time, he looked at us like we were his only hope.

It was enough for him

He agreed.

"Of course we're also in need of your trade as a blacksmith." Darcy admitted.

"Oh?"

"I want a battle axe, and two daggers as long as your forearm." Darcy explained. "My sister would prefer a bow and some arrows."

"My sister-son prefers the bow." Thorin noted. He wasn't saying yes to us just yet, merely stating facts.

"I make better kills at long distance." I explained. "If I do it up close, blood gets in my hair."

"Plus red's not a good color on her." Darcy agreed.

"What? I once wore red for an entire year!"

"And how'd that year go for you?"

Seeing as that was the year I met Tony Stark, not gre- "...oh."

"Yeah."

' _Be assured, Lilac, there is nothing on this Earth more enjoyable than my sister and I getting wide eyed and jaw dropped faces from people who stand around us.'_

==AET==

Though I am loath to admit it, I _loved_ the feeling of a bow in my hand.

Why was I loath to admit it? Because as perfect as it felt, my guns and magic were my preferred weapon of choice.

We were staying at an inn in Bree. Gandalf and Thorin were off in another room discussing more of the plan. Darcy and I were testing out our new toys. It had taken a bit of convincing to Gandalf for him to let us keep the weapons.

" _Until we find our wands, we're defenseless. On this journey we'll be facing all kinds of untold dangers! How am I supposed to stay alive when I don't have as much as a_ butter knife _to defend myself?"_

Yeah Gandalf was pretty okay with the weapons after that.

Darcy was impressive with her battle axe. She was swinging the axe around as if she'd had it her entire life. Thorin's work as a blacksmith was impressive.

My bow was a bit harder to gain flow with. I had a quiver of arrows on my back, which was messing up my aiming just a tad. Despite my request not to, Thorin had included some small blades for myself.

The sooner I found a magic staff the better. I would feel much better about fighting when I had magic on my side.

"What happens now?" I asked Darcy when she finished waving her axe around..

"We go to a certain smial." Chirped Darcy. She attached the axe over her back. She started making her way to wherever Gandalf and Thorin had gone off.

"Smial?" I asked, following behind her.

"The proper name for a Hobbit hole."

My eyebrows rose up at her statement. My eyes widened, scanning my sister with unsurety. She noticed my stare, tilting her head to one side.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing...just...you said _proper_ and it wasn't ironic." I admitted.

She blinked.

Then stomped her foot. " _Dammit_. I did!" She huffed. "That's...when was the last time I did _that?"_

"I don't think you ever _have_." Was my answer. "You've always hated ' _proper'_. Ever since you found out it wasn't a sex term."

Darcy agreed. She was shocked at her own words.

This was what we had always worked towards, the bond we had always wanted. I remember being so hopeful that by the end of this adventure we'd be back.

 **==AET==**

 **AN: Sorry this took forever and a day! My summer has been hectic. I'm transferring to a new college, job hunting, writing other things, having my 20th birthday, binging watching Star Trek (McKock/McSpirk is my OT3!)**

 **Thanks to PoisonCupcake101 for favoriting**

 **Thanks to PoisonCupcake101 and Stenzle for following**


	5. In The Land of the Shire

Gandalf sent Thorin off to collect the dwarf armies. The uncrowned king had big dreams to gather up all the dwarves for the reclaiming of Erebor. The morning Thorin set off, we did as well. Gandalf began our long walk towards the Shire.

Darcy began training with her axe. Every morning, as soon as the sun rose, Darcy went out into the woods. She'd come back hours later with a few kills, spent the rest of the day carving off the furs for further use. Her axe was always coated in animal blood, which she washed every morning and night. If she ever got any on her dark red robe, it was never noticed.

My training was different than her's, by a long shot. Every morning when Darcy left, I asked Gandalf about Middle Earth. My knowledge was lacking. If I was going to be of any help, I needed to know more than what Darcy was telling me.

Gandalf started my teaching with the dwarves. He explained the history of the Thorin's kingdom, his brother and sister, his grandfather Thror, and the dragon Smaug. He explained the Arkenstone, then the fall of Erebor. The large kingdom of dwarves retreated to their sister kingdom, the Blue Mountains. Gandalf pulled up a map to show me where, as I was as lost in geography as I was in history.

The Elves came next. The fair haired of Mirkwood, and the dark haired of Rivendell. The long lived beings who preferred to stay solitary to their neighbors.

The Kingdoms of Men came next. Laketown, beside Dale and Erebor. Rohan, Númenor, Arnor, Arthedain, Rhudaur, and the legendary Gondor. I could find them on the map before Darcy started her trek back to camp that day. It was a great matter of pride for me.

The day before we arrived at the Shire, he told me about Hobbits. The many little villages of Hobbits in the Shire, of the North, West, South, and Eastfarthing. Smaller than dwarves, sweet little things that never ventured far from home. Except Belladonna Baggins neé Took. And her son, our burglar, Bilbo Baggins.

The Hobbit had been quite an adventurer as a fauntling. Gandalf was sure that Bilbo would sign on for the quest. If I hadn't seen the movie, I would've doubted it. 'Maybe Gandalf has a bit of foresight' I pondered.

Still, we were to head into Hobbiton to Bag End.

Darcy came back in as I prepared the dinner- a simple soup. She threw her kills down from over her shoulder. There were two wolves, a deer, and multiple rabbits. She had some cuts on her arm, patched over with some bandages that I'm certain were stolen scraps of cloth from Bree.

"The Shire! Can you believe it, Morgan? I'm going to the Shire!" Darcy shouted, throwing her arms up in the sky with a hearty shout. Her kills were flying about, having the resemblance of a puppet with too few strings. "How can anyone stand to leave the Shire?! It even sounds perfect. Shire. Shire. Shire."

'If she says Shire one more time, I'll kick her ass.'

"Well did the Shire have any good meat, because we're feeding thirteen dwarves tonight with stomachs like college students." I remarked.

Darcy held up her kills. "Oh, we'll have enough. Just let me skin these."

After so many days with her, with what felt like so little escape time, my nerves were reaching an edge.

It was only a matter of time before I exploded at her. We can only hope I don't pour stew on her head.

Now there are some times when on this trip I remembered thinking low of Darcy. Please don't think less of me for what I thought in the past. I love my sister, your aunt. I remember excuses I made about my actions, how I needed to know more Darcy did.

'She never took things as seriously as she should. If I thought she'd explain it right, I would've asked her about Middle Earth. It was just easier for everyone if Gandalf explained it to me. Plus when Darcy would inevitably have questions, I could answer them. As I always have.'

I doubted my sister. For the longest time, I've regretted doing so.

==AET==

As we approached Bag End, we could see the smoke clouds Bilbo was making as they floated around. There'd been at least two moths done as we approached.

The third and final moth popped on his nose. The eternally youthful face of Martin Freeman became clearer as the smoke faded away. He was much shorter than he was on TV. He was wearing this bright gold vest, a blue ascot, and one of those poofy shirts you usually see on pirates. Only Bilbo was missing all of the usual stains. His trousers were dark brown, going down to his mid thigh. It made it easier to see his hairy feet.

"Good morning." Bilbo greeted. He was still waking himself up. I would think it a dream as well, if three people in robes were watching me on my front lawn. Especially if one of those people was my sister.

"What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning, or do you mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not?" Gandalf asked. Bilbo blinked in confusion. "Or, perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this particular morning. Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?"

Darcy leaned over to me. She squeaked a giggle out.

"All of them at once, I suppose." Bilbo replied, unenthusiastic.

Our Grey Wizard mentor was disappointed at the Hobbit. Bilbo was only more confused by the expression.

"Can I help you?" Bilbo asked, unsure of our presence.

"Yes you can." Darcy beamed. She grinned widely, showing off her teeth in what in some circles could be called a smile. "You see, we're looking for an able body to share in an adventure."

Bilbo blinked in surprise. "An adventure?" As someone who watches Sherlock religiously, I knew that was the face of man that desperately wanted an adventure. "Now, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures."

I tried to hold back snickers. Bilbo rose up from his bench, moving his pipe away from his mouth. He grabbed the mail for his letterbox, browsing them as we watched. "Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner."

He tucked the pipe back in his mouth. Darcy elbowed me. I leaned in closer. "That's pipeweed. It's a off-brand nicotine. Not marijuana, like the name suggests."

I smirked. "Disappointed?"

Instead of an annoyed reaction, a silent agreement with what I said, Darcy smiled. "Not a chance!"

Bilbo had enough of us at that point. He gathered up his mail. He hummed around the pope in his mouth, glancing up at us three Wizards. "Good morning." He waves is off.

"Now that one means he wants to be rid of us." Darcy clarified.

"I could've guessed. It's the normal form of communication to you." I snarked.

Darcy dramatically huffed. She turned her nose up, crossing her arms over her toned chest indignantly. "Yes well maybe I didn't expect a Hobbit to follow that code of conduct."

"To think that we should have lived to be good-morninged by Belladonna Took's son, as if we were selling buttons at the door." Gandalf remarked.

"Beg your pardon?" Bilbo asked.

"We're selling buttons?" I asked.

"I didn't know Wizards did that..." Darcy remarked. She looked to me. "We could've made a killing."

"You've changed, and not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins." Gandalf expressed his opinion.

Bilbo gawked at Gandalf in surprise. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"Well, you have not as of yet met my two apprentices." Gandalf motioned to Darcy and myself. "They are Darcy the Red and Morgan the Pink."

The two of us bowed our heads politely.

"And you know my name, although you don't remember I belong to it. I'm Gandalf! And Gandalf means...me." Gandalf lost his train of thought near the end there.

"Gandalf...not Gandalf, the wandering Wizard, who made such excellent fireworks! Old Took used to have them on Midsummer's Eve." Bilbo cheered. He laughed loudly, full of the trademark Hobbit-like joy. "Ha, ha! Well. Hmm, I had no idea you were still in business."

"And where else should I be?" Gandalf inquired.

Bilbo didn't have an answer to that.

"I for one cannot wait to make fireworks." Darcy cheered. "Why can't my wand just show up? I'm getting impatient."

"That's your own fault, hermana."

"Well, I'm pleased to find your remember something about me, even if it's only my fireworks." Gandalf mused.

I clapped my hands together, clasping them in a manner so cheerful it belonged in the North Pole. "That's everything we needed! Then our business here is finished."

Darcy copied my pose, right down to the too cheerful smile. Though on her I'd say it was mischievous. "Indeed. It's going to be good for you, Bilbo Baggins, and real amusing for the three of us."

Gandalf nodded in agreement. "Then my dears, we shall inform the others."

Darcy and I clapped. "Yay!"

"Inform the who? What? No. No. No!" Bilbo ranted in a huff. 'Aww poor little hedgehog man'. "Wait. We do not want any adventures here, thank you. Not today, not-mm. I suggest you try over the Hill or across the Water." He insisted. He seemed at a loss for polite words, instead matching up to his door. "Good morning." He finished with an air of finality.

The door to the smial slammed shut behind him.

While Gandalf went up to put the mark on the door, I pulled out some papers. Darcy handed me one of the many blacks pens I kept in my Bag, while I laid the paper down over the mailbox for easy writing.

"Found...the...burglar..." I recited. "The Shire, Hobbiton, Bag End. Look for the mark on the door-what's the name of that mark?"

"It's too long an explanation, you wouldn't get it." Darcy mentioned. I narrowed my eyes at her. She didn't notice my angry eyes. "Just draw the rune."

'Great, now she's being condescending.' The traitorous thought bloomed in my mind before I could squash it.

"Fine." After I finished drawing the rune, I wrapped it up. Including tying it up in a pink strand of cloth. "How do I get this to Thorin? There aren't any ravens, and I don't know the spell for letter transporting, if there even is one in Middle Earth."

Darcy pondered for a minute. "We got any dragon-spit?"

I grimaced. Dragon-spit was something Darcy had come up with. The dragons in Equestria had magical properties in their spit. The biggest property being that it could send letters or objects across far distances. If you had the person you wanted to send it to in mind, then the letter would make its way to them. I hadn't brought a bottle of it, mostly because I had no thought to using it.

"Why would I pack dragon-spit in my Bag?"

"For sending letters." Darcy replied. "That's kinda what it's for-oh my storyline look at that."

Turning around, I saw Gandalf peering in through a window. My head tilted at the odd sight, one of my hands going to my hip. "Huh."

"Yeah...I packed some dragon-spit. We cool to use it?"

"...go ahead."

==AET==

AN: Sorry this took forever y'all! I was in a car accident over Thanksgiving weekend. It was nothing big, just a fender-bender. I'm fine, just some bruises from the airbag. The doctors gave me some medication to help with the pains I got from the airbag. My car has been in the shop since Saturday, I've been walking around a lot. Oh and I got a new job! Did I mention Christmas, because that's coming up. I'm busy.


	6. Meeting of the Company

Darcy was picking at her leftover squirrel. "Am I annoyed, or disappointed that it doesn't taste like nuts?"

"Annoyed." I remarked. I twisted some knobs on the binoculars, trying to get Bilbo in focus.

My sister and I were hiding in the big tree near Bilbo's smial. Gandalf has gone off to round up the other Dwarrows. He left specific instructions that we wait here for them to arrive, not to enter until Gandalf came back. The two of us settled in the tree to wait.

Luckily I had some surveillance gear packed in my Bag for emergencies. There were worse uses for it.

My sister had managed to wait five whole minutes before being bored. She pulled out the leftover squirrel from lunch to eat. Though I'm surprised there was any left.

"Nah." Darcy chewed the meat off the bones. It was some grotesque form of a corndog. "Disappointment. This guy eats _Shire_ nuts, you'd think those had enough flavor for-"

"No. I'm annoyed with you." I corrected.

My sister scoffed, derisively. She peeled off more of the squirrel. She tossed it in the air, catching it in her mouth. "Jealous of my supper." She mused between bites.

"You're eating a roasted squirrel!" I argued, keeping my voice low as a hiss to keep quiet.

Darcy held the squirrel closer. She pulled her legs up beneath her, sitting in a squat. "Are you jealous that I have a squirrel and you don't?"

"I will push you out of this tree." I warned, meaning it.

She chuckled.

Now I really wanted to push her out of the tree. My leg jabbed out to meet her thigh. Darcy threw her head back to laugh to the heavens.

Later that night, Bilbo prepared himself for supper. The fish he was finish looked good, I will admit. The sun had set long ago on the Shire, while the Hobbits had their dinner. Darcy herself was having supper beside me: roast squirrel. She had picked me some of various herbs in Hobbit gardens to make a proper meal out of it.

"Oi, oi!" My arm flung out beside me. It hit Darcy, so I repeated the action. "We got confirmation!"

"For fucks sake, watch your aim. You could've hit my squirrel." Darcy complained.

"Confirmed Dwalin!"

Darcy tried to pull the binoculars out of my hand. I grabbed them back. They _were_ on a lanyard around my neck. That'd _hurt._ She rolled her eyes, reaching for her own.

The two of us watched Dwalin knock on the door.

I'd gotten an idea while watching.

Bilbo opened the giant green door.

" _Dwalin, at your service."_ I recited in a voice similar to Dwalin's.

Beside me, Darcy burst out laughing. She had to quickly cover it up in her robe sleeve.

She laughed into her sleeve again when I recited Bilbo's like in _his_ voice. " _Bilbo Baggins, at yours."_

"Stop it. You'll kill me." Darcy laughed.

 _Now that was the wrong thing to say._

Darcy continued to laugh. She didn't take notice of my distressed silence until more lines had passed unspoken. The door to Bilbo's smial slammed shut.

"What? Come on!" Darcy prompted me, still grinning. "Those were good! Your accent is on points...or whatever the fuck kids say."

No response from me.

"Yo. Spencer. You gonna chat?" Darcy reached out with her arm to punch mine. I ducked. "Okay now you're just being bratty." She tried again to grab me. Instead of flinching, I did a spin around the branch, flinging myself up to a higher branch. "Alright that was impressive but I'm still _annoyed_. Dammit Dwalin's inside now! We missed the rest."

Darcy climbed up another branch. It was close to mine. Instead of talking I just gave her the cold shoulder.

"Fine. We'll just watch the rest in silence." Darcy remarked. She leaned against the trunk of the tree. "Maybe Gandalf will give us a cue line. Course we can't hear it, so if only someone in our party could read lips." A pause, barely time to have a thought. "Okay seriously what is up with you right now?"

Nothing.

Just...nothing.

==AET==

The other Dwarves came, one by one by two by eight. Like some messed up kind of math equation or rhyme. ' _One Dwarf, two Dwarves, red Dwarf, many Dwarves.'_

Gandalf showed up not long after the eight. He came right up to his tree. "Having fun up there, girls?" He asked.

" _I'm_ having a grand old time!" Darcy cheered. She had thrown her red robe on when I first spotted Gandalf. "There was a squirrel and I ate it!"

Mine was being difficult. Though that was because I was using the hood to cover my head.

Gandalf hummed in amusement. "How wonderful! I hope the wait was as exciting for you, Morgan."

I blinked. "...my robe was warm."

"Delightful!" Gandalf cheered. "Let's be off. I believe our host is expecting us."

Darcy hoped down from the tree. Somehow she kept all the branches from hitting her cloak. I followed behind at a slower pace.

We ran over to the smial. Darcy was skipping ahead of Gandalf. I walked just a step behind him.

Darcy leaned over the pile of Dwarves. "You fellas forgot how to door." She smiled at Bilbo. "Hiya."

Gandalf came up beside Darcy. Myself appearing on her side.

"Gandalf." Bilbo sighed, long suffering.

==AET==

The party was raging in a full fury. Dwarves were pulling food out of the pantry like the world as they knew it was ending. Bilbo's expression certainly fit with that mentality.

He was going up to the Dwarves as they took their servings and extra servings and extra servings. For every single one he spoke with, three more stole food. Darcy had apparently had enough to eat with her hunted squirrel, while I made do with various pieces of bread and fruit.

Darcy and I were sitting in the dining room. Because the house was too low for us, we decided to sit on the floor. I was perching my plate on one knee, the other curved beneath. Darcy was leaning on my shoulder, watching the Dwarves run around.

A Dwarf came up towards Gandalf, who was setting the table/

"Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf, can I tempt you or your apprentices with a nice cup of chamomile tea?" One Dwarf offered.

Darcy leaned in. "That's Dori."

"How do you know?" I whispered.

Darcy pointed to his face. "The braids. They're a whole element to Dwarf culture. It's super cool."

I stared at my sister for a moment. "Why did I not see you were a total complete _geek_?"

Darcy snorted.

"Oh, no thank you, Dori. A little red wine for me, I think." Gandalf told the Dwarf. "As for my apprentices, well I'll let them speak for themselves."

"Red wine!" Darcy voted.

My shoulder bumped up, making Darcy bounce. "Chamomile, if you wouldn't mind, wit a lot of sugar."

"Of course, Miss-" Dori paused.

"Morgan." I answered, before elbowing my sister. "She's Darcy."

Darcy waved. "Hello."

Dori quickly made my cup of tea, going off to get Gandalf and Darcy their wine. Before I could have a sip, Darcy pulled me up to my feet. The two of us had to hunch as we followed Gandalf out of the dining room.

Gandalf hit his head on Bilbo's chandelier. Darcy snorted before shoving me in the corner. I quickly found balance, holding my hand in front of the cup to keep the tea from spilling out.

"Fíli, Kíli." Gandalf greeted the brothers as they came by. He held up his fingers, counting the others Dwarves that quickly ran by him. "Oin, Gloin, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori...Ori."

"Twelve Dwarves." I remarked. "That's good, right?"

Gandalf kept his face clear of emotions, twinkles of light in his eyes the only thing giving him away. "Good, but not just right."

I turned to Darcy. She had crammed herself in the corner opposite mine. She had this smug/giddy grin on her face. Honestly it was such a dorky grin that it became infectious.

Bilbo walked by. Well walked by is soft word. He stormed in front of us, pulling away a bowl of his prize tomatoes (one of the few LOTR references I understood right now) away from another Dwarf. I think Gandalf pointed at him in his counting, labelling him Nori. Bilbo mumbled about his prize winners before marching back to the kitchen.

Another Dwarf came up to Gandalf (who was still trying to avoid the chandelier). He spoke rapidly in a language that I had no knowledge in.

"Yes, you're quite right, Bifur." Gandalf remarked. Apparently Gandalf spoke this language. A quick look from Darcy told me it wasn't supposed to be a surprising thing. "We appear to be one Dwarf short."

Preemptively, I glared at Darcy to not snort at the ' _short'_ joke. She grinned smugly.

' _If you don't want me to say it, you must be thinking it too.'_ Her eyes were saying.

Yeah she was right. Whatever.

"He is late, is all." The Dwarf I remembered as Dwalin assured. "He travelled North to a meeting of our kin. He will come."

"Mister Gandalf? Miss Darcy?" Dori called out. He walked up towards the Grey Wizard.

"Hmmm?" Gandalf hummed.

Dori held up three shot glasses full of wine. "A little glass of red wine, as requested. It's, eh, got a fruity bouquet."

"Ah, Cheers." Gandalf picked up his glass while Darcy reached over for her's from where she was sitting.

"Praise be to the Author." Darcy took the shot with Gandalf and Dori. "Ah. Wine from Bilbo Baggin's house." She grinned at me.

Smiling, I rolled my eyes at her. At least _I_ got more tea with this arrangement.

Gandalf on the other hand frowned. He hadn't expected such a small glass of wine.

==AET==

The meal reminded me of Thanksgiving, except this one was out of my nightmares.

My sister was crammed in beside Kíli. She'd been drinking ale and scarfing down food like the lot them.

Bilbo found me in his cleaned out pantry.

"Oh. Yes. Hello." Bilbo barely paid me mind. He was more focused on seeing just how much they'd eaten. "You are...one of Gandalf's apprentices."

"Morgan the Pink." I supplied for him, since I knew he'd forgotten.

"Yes." Bilbo nodded. "Queer name."

"Every name is queer. We just pretend they're not for conversation's sake." I replied immediately.

Bilbo paused. "Yes. I suppose you're right." He sighed. He didn't look back towards the table as they made another ruckus. This time it was ale being poured down Oín's ear trumpet.

I winced.

"The other...is in the Red?" Bilbo asked.

"Darcy." I helped.

"Yes. Yes, that was her name." Bilbo looked at the pantry again, sighing. The Dwarves were quiet for a moment.

"I tried to help, but." I glanced at the pantry. "There were _twelve_ of them. And my sister is a handful."

"Your sister?" Bilbo asked. "Wizards have sisters?"

"This one does." I answered.

Bilbo glanced back to the table, where the Dwarves were still guzzling their ale in perfect silence. "Wizards can have sisters? How is that possible? How does one even _make_ a Wizard?"

"You know, I never thought to ask." I admitted. Glancing over at my sister, I questioned if she would even know.

Of course no sooner had I thought that she belched louder than any of the Dwarves.

Bilbo and I grimaced in disgust.

==AET==

The Dwarves had started to clean the meal. I dashed out of the kitchen to avoid being overrun by them. Darcy was in the living room, merely keeping an eye on the door.

Bilbo yanked a doily from Nori's hands. "Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth!"

"But it's full of holes!" Bofur argued.

"It's supposed to look like that, it's crochet." Bilbo explained, as though speaking to someone dense.

"Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you got the balls for it." Bofur joked.

Everyone laughed. Darcy loudest of all.

"Bebother and confusticate these Dwarves!" Bilbo grumbled, stuffing away the doily someplace safe.

"My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?" Gandalf asked, coming up into the kitchen.

"What's the matter?" Bilbo repeated, sarcastically. "I'm surrounded by Dwarves. What are they doing here?"

"Oh, they're quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them." Gandalf assured.

Bilbo stormed out of the kitchen, Gandalf and myself behind him.

"I don't want to get used to them. The state of my kitchen!" Bilbo growled. "There's mud trod into the carpet, they've pi-pillaged the pantry. I'm not even going to _tell_ you what they've done in the bathroom; they've all but destroyed the plumbing!" Bilbo ranted. " _I don't understand what they're doing in my house!"_

"Bilbo, maybe we should take a breath-" I tried.

"'Scuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt." Ori walked up to us, more specifically Bilbo. "But what should I do with my plate?"

Fíli walked up. "Here you go, Ori, give it to me." He offered, from behind Bilbo.

He tossed it to Kíli. Kíli tossed it to whichever dwarf was still in the kitchen. They continued to toss dishes over Bilbo's shoulders, and between Gandalf and I. Nearby I heard the scrapping of utensils in a familiar beat.

I gasped in horror with Bilbo.

Darcy appeared behind Fíli, tapping a matching beat on the floor.

"Oh!" Gandalf yelped when a plate nearly hit his head.

"Excuse me, that's my mother's West Farthing crockery, it's over a hundred years old!" Bilbo shouted at them. He turned his anger to the Dwarves drumming a beat with the utensils. "And can-can you not do that? You'll blunt them!"

That's when it came together for me. I turned to my sister, seeing her beaming in confirmation.

"Ooh, d'hear that, lads? He says we'll blunt the knives." Bofur announced.

" _Blunt the knives, bend the forks."_ Kíli sang.

" _Smash the bottles and burn the corks."_ Fíli sang along.

" _Chip the glasses and crack the plates."_ Every Dwarf joined in, along with Darcy and I. " _That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"_

As we continued to sing, Bilbo watched on in total abject horror. Gandalf lit some pipeweed to watch the festivities.

" _Cut the cloth and tread on the fat, leave the bones on the bedroom mat, pour the milk on the pantry floor, splash the wine on every door!"_

The Dwarves all worked together to toss the dishes about. Ori was left the Dwarf to carry things to the kitchen. Darcy and I stomped our feet to the beat.

" _Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl, pound them up with a thumping pole. When you've finished, if any are whole send them down the hall to roll!"_

Darcy and I whistled with the Dwarves, ecstatic. They began tossing dishes to us, so we put the clean dishes up in tall piles.

" _That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"_ We finished.

Bilbo growled out in anger.

He pushed through the crowd of Dwarves. Darcy and I showed off the clean dishes to him. Bilbo's eyes widened in surprise.

The Dwarves all laughed at his expression.

The laughter stomped at three loud knocks on the door.

"He's _heeere_." Darcy supplied.

I whacked her on the head to shut her up.

 **==AET==**

 **AN: Whelp, I'm still alive. Hurricane Florence is doing it's best to take me down. It has yet to learn I'm immortal.**

 **Thanks to Blackhooded001 and G. for favoriting**

 **Thanks to Blackhooded001 and G. for following**


	7. A Proper Burglar

Gandalf opened the front door for him.

My sister mimed playing a trumpet, myself behind her doing the same.

"Gandalf." Thorin greeted. "Apprentices." Darcy and I beamed like idiots. "I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice. Wouldn't have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door."

"Mark? There's no mark on that door. It was painted a week ago!" Bilbo argued.

"There is a mark; I put it there myself." Gandalf admitted with no shame.

"Oopsie." I shrugged. Darcy chuckled as we moved upright.

Gandalf smiled kindly at us. "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield."

Thorin gave Bilbo a look over. "So, this is the Hobbit. Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?"

"Pardon me?"

"Axe or sword? What's your weapon of choice?" Thorin asked.

Bilbo puffed his chest. Thorin walked around Bilbo, continuing to size him up. "Well, I have some skill at Conkers, if you must know, but I fail to see why that's relevant."

"Thought as much." Thorin scoffed. He stood in front of Bilbo again. "He looks more like a grocer than a burglar." He remarked to the Dwarves, who all laughed at the insult.

The Dwarves all walked back towards the dining table. Darcy happily followed after. Gandalf and I stayed back with Bilbo.

"That was rude of him." I remarked.

Bilbo huffed. He fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeves. "Yes. It was." He glared over his shoulder at Gandalf.

==AET==

Sometime later, Thorin had gotten his food. I met with Bilbo in the kitchen. In my hands was a bowl, and a dirtied washcloth.

Bilbo was running a hand over his face. He was looking again at his emptied banchory.

"Hello Mr Baggins!" I cheered, lowering the dish into the sink to clean.

The Hobbit merely glanced at me, before schooling his features to something less tired. "Oh. Hello again, Morgan."

"I fixed it." I informed him, showing him the bowl.

"Fixed...what?" Bilbo asked, eyes wide in panic. "Oh dear, what's broken now?"

"Nothing- I just fixed the door." I corrected. Bilbo stared at me, stretching out his fingers to get a better look at my face. "You- you just sounded so upset...when you found out Gandalf painted on it. So I thought...I should fix it."

Bilbo lowered his hand. "Well then, my thanks."

My smile beamed at the Hobbit.

In the other room, there was a sudden dull roar of unhappy groans.

Exchanging a look with Bilbo, the two of us walked over to the dining room. The Dwarves were all shaking their head, annoyed. Darcy however was flipping between excited and upset. My guess was she was trying to be disappointed at the news, but being at the side of Thorin Oakenshield was too awesome to be sad.

"They say this quest is ours, and ours alone." Thorin added to their further annoyance.

"You're going on a quest?" Bilbo stated, much to the surprise of the Dwarves who hadn't noticed him approach.

"I love a quest!" Came my happy cheer. "

Gandalf turned his face to us. "Bilbo, Morgan, my dear fellows, let us have a little more light."

I pulled a candle from the kitchen, handing it to Bilbo. The Hobbit walked to the table with it.

Gandalf spread out a map. Now that there was more light all at the table could

"Far to the East, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single solitary peak." Gandalf explained. He pointed to a drawing of a mountain with a dragon flying over head.

"The Lonely Mountain." Bilbo read off.

"Aye." A Dwarf began. "Oin has read the portents-" The Dwarves around him rolled their eyes and groaned. "-and the portents say it is time."

"Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain as it was foretold: _When the birds of yore return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end."_ Oin reported.

"Uh, What beast?" Bilbo asked. On an unrelated note, Darcy was grinning like a cat about to catch the canary.

"Well that would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible, chiefest and greatest calamity of our age." A Dwarf I remembered as Bofur explained. "Airborne fire-breather, teeth like razors, claws like meathooks, extremely fond of precious metals-"

"Yes, I know what a dragon is." Bilbo snapped, looking no more comfortable by the explanation.

"I'm not afraid! I'm up for it." Ori boasted. He rose to his feet. "I'll give him a taste of the Dwarfish iron right up his jacksie."

The Dwarves agreed. And Darcy boasted with a raised mug.

Ori's brother pulled him down to his chair.

"The task would be difficult enough with an army behind us. But we number just thirteen, and not thirteen of the best, nor brightest." Balin reminded the lot.

Which-honestly, from what I knew about the Dwarves already- wasn't that far from the truth.

"We may be few in number, but we're fighters, all of us, to the last Dwarf!" Fíli reminded them.

"And you forget, we have a _wizard_ in our company. Gandalf will have killed hundreds of dragons in his time." Kíli boasted.

"Oh, well, now, uh, I-I-I wouldn't say that, I-" Gandalf spluttered.

"How many, then?" Dori prompted.

"Uh, what?"

"Well, how many dragons have you killed?" Dori asked. "Go on, give us a number!"

"Hm."

Darcy laughed loudly. So hard she smacked her fist on the table to calm herself down. "Morgan's killed more dragons than Gandalf has!" She laughed.

"I told you that in confidence!" I hissed at her, crossing my hands over my chest in embarrassment.

Darcy laughed again. ' _You don't have any confidence_.' The laughter said. Which did little to argue my point.

"Well have many dragons have _you_ killed?" Dori prompted.

"Three." I answered, barely thinking about it. ' _Maleficent, that one in_ Charmed _, there was definitely that one from Hercules-_ "No wait eight." ' _How did I forget that one from_ Wizards of Waverly Place _? Sure it was more of a too big lizard in the sewers but it breathed fire so it counts. And the Red Death from Berk. I defeated another dragon from the another dimension's Sleeping Beauty to win a bet._ "Does it count as a death if the dragon stopped hurting people?"

"Nope." Darcy answered, still laughing.

"Oh then six."

"Wait hold you, you stopped two without killing them?" Darcy asked, clearly not believing it. "How?"

I shrugged. "Well the first had his feelings hurt, so he just flew back to his dragonlands. He was very embarrassed."

"And the second one?" Darcy asked.

"Toothless."

"Ah."

Darcy and the rest of the Company hummed. A few raised a glass to me.

Thorin rose to his feet. "If we have read these signs, do you not think others will have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for 60 years. Eyes look east to the Mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor? _Du Bekâr! Du Bekâr!"_

The Dwarves all loudly cheered.

I greatly wished for a drink.

"You forget: the front gate is sealed. There is no way into the mountain." Balin reminded, bringing down the joy they all had.

"That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true." Gandalf corrected. He showed off the Dwarfish key.

Thorin gawked in wonder. "How came you by this?"

"It was given to me by your father, by Thrain, for safekeeping. It is yours now." Gandalf admitted. He held the key out to the Dwarf King.

Darcy was staring at the key the way that could only be described as awe.

"If there is a key, there must be a door." Fíli realized.

' _Winchester logic for the win.'_ Darcy and I thought.

Gandalf indicated a few of the runes on his map. "These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls."

"There's another way in!" Kíli cheered, patting his brother on the back.

"Well, if we can find it, but Dwarf doors are invisible when closed." Gandalf reminded him. "The answer lies hidden somewhere in this map and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle-earth who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth, and no small amount of courage. But, if we are careful and clever, I believe that it can be done."

"That's why we need a burglar." Ori remarked.

"Hm, a good one, too. An expert, I'd imagine." Bilbo mused. The point going _completely_ over his head.

"And are you?" Gloin asked. I snickered, trying to cover it up by looking away.

Bilbo looked up at the Dwarf. "Am I what?"

"He said he's an expert!" Oin misinterpreted. I giggled behind my hand. "Hey hey!"

Darcy laughed loudly, with all the Dwarves.

"M-Me?" Bilbo realized how badly he had just screwed up. "No, no, no, no, no. I'm not a burglar; I've never stolen a thing in my life."

"I'm afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins. He's hardly burglar material." Balin argued.

Bilbo nodded.

' _He stole my heart.'_

Though that was more Martin Freeman, and every person he's ever played.

Which counted Bilbo.

So there.

"Aye, the wild is no place for gentlefolk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves." Dwalin gave Bilbo a once over, frowning.

' _I will literally fight you to the death if you insult the hedgehog again.'_

The other Dwarves began arguing. What they were arguing became lost as they all spoke at once.

Darcy gave me a look, almost like permission to shut these people up.

Sticking my fingers in my mouth, I whistled shrill. The Dwarves all winced as I stood up, glaring at the Dwarves.

"If Gandalf says Bilbo Baggins is our Burglar, than our burglar he shall be." I decreed.

In the distance, thunder crackled.

Darcy stood as well, having to bow so her head didn't hit the ceiling. "Hobbits are light on their feet. If they so choose, they can pass unseen. This dragon we will face- it's gotten used to the smell of Dwarf. A Hobbit is a new thing, it'll throw him off his rhythm. That gives us an advantage." At Bilbo's confused look, Darcy added "I like to know stuff about my prey before I hunt it."

"Sis!" I hissed.

Darcy hummed.

"Don't tell the prey that!" I hissed.

Darcy 'ahhh'd'. She turned to the Dwarves. "Don't worry, I don't let my prey know when I'm going to attack."

Palm, meet face.

"You asked me to find the fourteenth member of this company, and I have chosen Mr. Baggins." Gandalf addressed them next. "There's a lot more to him than appearances suggest, and he's got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself. You must trust me on this."

"Very well. We will do it your way." Thorin conceded.

"No, no, no." Bilbo began. My hand ruffled his hair.

"Give him the contract." Thorin instructed Balin. "The apprentices as well." The Dwarf nodded, reaching for his bag.

"Please." Bilbo begged.

"Alright, we're off!" Bofur cheered while Balin pulled out the contracts.

"It's just the usual summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration, funeral arrangements, so forth." Balin assured us. He handed Bilbo the contract, passing them along to Darcy and myself.

"Funeral arrangements?" Bilbo asked.

Bilbo walked off to the hall to read this contract. Darcy and I stayed at the table. Skimming over the contract, I made note of the things that were being asked of me. Not very much as what Balin said.

Darcy looked up at me. She made sure to meet my eyes. She nodded at our shared message.

"I cannot guarantee his safety." Thorin warned.

"Understood." Gandalf nodded.

"Nor will I be responsible for his fate." Thorin added.

"Agreed."

"This is good." Darcy mused. She pulled the contract up. She folded it over before tearing it in half. "Ah, I always wanted to do that." She turned to me. "What about you, Morg- _what the-"_

"Duck!" I held up my paper folded life size duck.

Darcy stared wide eyed. "What did you do?!"

"Folded it in to a duck!" I cheered, showing off the duck to her.

"How did you do that?" Darcy asked. She leaned forward to move one of the wings of my duck.

"Carefully." I answered. She gave me a thin look. "What? Do you have any idea how hard it is to fold a duck out of Dwarfish paper?"

Darcy rolled her eyes, turning to the Dwarves who were surprised at our display. "My sister and I have no use for the riches of Dwarves, nor the other matters on the contract. As you can see, my sister is more interested in ducks."

"Quack!" I let the duck loose. Darcy caught it without looking. Well given how small the space was, this was more like a friendly toss.

"' _Terms: Cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth of total profit, if any.'_ Seems fair. Eh, ' _Present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a consequence thereof including but not limited to lacerations...evisceration...incineration'_?"

"Oh, aye, he'll melt the flesh off your bones in the blink of an eye." Bofur supplied.

Bilbo made a small noise of distress.

I walked out of the dining hall. The height let me stand up another inch. "Bilbo?" Kneeling to his side, I tried to meet his eyes. The Hobbit was looking down at the contract. "What's wrong?"

"Uh, everything's fine...Feel a bit faint."

"Think furnace with wings." Bofur added as if to assure Bilbo.

I glared at him.

"Air, I-I-I need air." Bilbo stated.

"Flash of light, searing pain, then poof! you're nothing more than a pile of ash." Bofur added.

"That's enough out of you!" I snapped at him.

There was a long moment after that. Bilbo swayed on his feet for a moment. My arms were gearing to catch him.

"Hmmm." Bilbo shook his head. "Nope."

He fell back.

My arms stretched out to catch him.

Then I turned my anger to Bofur.

Darcy patted Bofur on the shoulder in sympathy.

"Ah, very helpful, Bofur." Gandalf remarked.

Lifting Bilbo up- he was very light- I carried him off to the living room.

"Anderson! Get me some tea!"

"On it, ma'am!" Darcy replied. "Hey who here knows where the tea went?"

==AET==

Minutes later, Bilbo was sitting in a chair with a warm mug of tea in his hands. I was sitting across from him, using one of the big people chairs the Dwarves had been using, to sip my own cup of tea. Darcy had gone off in search of wine. Gandalf stood behind me, watching.

"And you're sure you're fine?" I asked him.

"Yes, yes. I'll be alright, let me just sit quietly for a moment." Bilbo requested. He sipped at his tea.

"You've been sitting quietly for far too long." Gandalf argued. He walked closer to Bilbo, while also smoking on his pipe. "Tell me; when did doilies and your mother's dishes become so important to you? I remember a young Hobbit who always was running off in search of elves and the woods, who'd stay out late, come home after dark, trailing mud and twigs and fireflies. A young Hobbit who would have liked nothing better than to find out what was beyond the borders of the Shire." Bilbo was staring wide eyed at Gandalf, like these ideas were insane to him. "The world is not in your books and maps; it's out there." Gandalf

"I can't just go running off into the blue. I am a Baggins, of Bag End." Bilbo argued, going stern for a full six seconds.

"You are also a Took." Bilbo huffed, his head hitting the back of the chair. I snorted into my tea, nearly spilling it onto my robe. "Did you know that your great-great-great-great-uncle, Bullroarer Took, was so large he could ride a real horse?"

"Yes." Bilbo answered, putting his tea down on the book on the armchair.

"Well he could. In the Battle of Green Fields, he charged the goblin ranks. He swung his club so hard it knocked the Goblin King's head clean off, and it sailed a hundred yards through the air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus the battle was won, and the game of golf invented at the same time." Gandalf recalled with a twinkle of glee in his eye.

"I do believe you made that up." Bilbo accused.

"Well, all good stories deserve embellishment." Gandalf excused. "You'll have a tale or two to tell of your own when you come back."

"Or what magical sport you will have invented." I pipped in. "Oh! Oh! Or what new kinds of stuff you'll find for your garden!"

"Can you promise that I will come back?" Bilbo asked, glancing up at Gandalf as though to ask him as well.

"Anyone who can promise you that is lying." I informed him. ' _Except me, but I'm a given exception in most cases.'_ "However, if you do find yourself coming back to this smial, with your tomatoes and your dollies and even-" I pointed off to the bookshelf nearby. "-your books that paint a poor picture of the world outside, you won't be the same Bilbo Baggins that left."

"That's what I thought." Bilbo stood up to his feet. "Sorry, Gandalf, Miss Stardust, I can't sign this. You've got the wrong Hobbit."

He walked off.

Gandalf sighed.

"Don't worry, Gandalf." I assured him, leaning back in my chair while sipping tea. "He'll be back."

He hummed. "You think so?"

"I know so." I replied.

"Then tell me, what makes you so sure?" Gandalf asked me, taking another swig of his pipe.

"He hasn't heard their story yet." Was my half answer.

' _Because every character Martin Freeman has ever played has fought not for glory or fame, but for a cause worth fighting for.'_

==AET==

Darcy watched Bilbo walk off towards his room. She was sitting beside Balin and Thorin, while chugging on a mug of ale. Granted in was Hobbit ale, meant for a creature much smaller than herself. Also it took quite a lot to get her buzzed nowadays, much more to get actual proper drunk.

"It appears we have lost our burglar." Balin mused. Darcy thrummed her fingers along her mug's side. "Probably for the best. The odds were always against us. After all, what are we? Merchants, miners, tinkers, toy-makers; hardly the stuff of legend."

"There are a few warriors amongst us." Thorin pointed out, giving Balin a meaningful smile.

" _Old_ warriors." Balin corrected him.

"I will take each and every one of these Dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills." Thorin stated proudly. "For when I called upon them, they came. Loyalty. Honor. A willing heart. I can ask no more than that."

"Here, here." Darcy toasted him. Thorin gave her a appreciative smile.

"You don't have to do this. You have a choice. You've done honorably by our people. You have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains, a life of peace and plenty. A life that is worth more than all the gold in Erebor."

Thorin held up the key. "From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me. They dreamt of the day when the Dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland." He explained. "There is no choice, Balin. Not for me."

"Then we are with you, laddie. We will see it done."

"Done well at that." Darcy added. "Or on my head be it."

==AET==

That night, Darcy and I sat curled by a wall. We hummed as the song began.

Gandalf sat across from us, smoking a pipe still.

Darcy rested her head on my shoulder.

" _Far over, the misty mountains cold._ " I hummed softly, while Thorin's voice was so strong it filled the entire smial like belonged here, like the song was as much a part of the Dwarves lives as it was to Bag End's. The smial welcomed the Dwarves and the adventure as it always does and well.

Darcy hummed along with the Dwarves as I sang.

" _To dungeons deep and caverns old."_ My head moved so that it was resting atop Darcy's. " _We must away ere break of day to find our long-forgotten gold."_

Though I could not see him, I knew Bilbo listened. His eyes staring at nothing as the song painted a picture in his head, filled him with more images than the words of his books ever could.

" _The pines were roaring on the height, the winds were moaning in the night. The fire was red, it flaming spread, The trees like torches blazed with light"_

As the humming continued, I grinned brightly at Gandalf.

"And that, Mister Gandalf the Grey, is how you make a burglar out of a Hobbit."

 **==AET==**

 **AN: Sorry this was late! I was supposed to have this out before Thanksgiving, but I realized "Hey, remember that class you were taking? You're six weeks behind in that!" So that took priority.**

 **Thanks to Wingdings13 for favoriting**

 **Thanks to Wingdings13 for following**


	8. Never Make a Bet with the Twins

When morning came, Darcy and I made quick work leaving Bag End.

Well she made quick work of leaving.

I stayed behind to clean up, with the help of the other Dwarves.

We cleaned everything until there was no trace we had ever been here. Except for the empty pantry. There was little we could do about that.

Walking out of the smial I saw Darcy standing with a crowd of ponies. More than that, there were three tall horses from us Wizards.

I squealed, rushing up to the horse that I reasoned was mine for the first long haul of the trip.

"She's perfect!" The horse neighed. "My apologies. _He_ is perfect!" The horse snorted. My hand went to brush his mane, a dark brown of cocoa to match his eyes. Glancing at my sister's own darkly colored horse, I quirked my eyebrow. "How's your's, sister?"

"Missy here is a delight." Darcy remarked. She brushed on Missy's snout. The dark horse allowed the action.

I hummed. "And you, sir stallion, what's your name?" My hand continued to brush on his mane, continuing when the mane met his neck. "Is it Lewis?" The horse made a series of snorts and neighs. My mind translated them from Equestrian into English. "Well I'm happy to have been of service!"

Gandalf peeked over from his own horse. "What was that, Morgan?"

"This stallion didn't like his previous name. He gave me leave to change it to Lewis." I answered. "He likes it better."

The stallion neighed an affirmative.

I smiled at Gandalf. He watched the exchange with interest- a twinkle half shining in his eyes.

==AET==

Thorin had made us ride out no sooner that we sat in our saddles. We'd gotten close to the edge of Hobbiton when a loud question came out from a Dwarf.

"Bets?" Nori called to the crowd. At the confused looks, Darcy decided to help.

"If the Hobbit joins or not." She clarified.

The Dwarves all cheered. Many among them betting that the Hobbit wasn't coming along. A select few betted for it. Balin somehow was keeping track of it all in a little book. "And the wizards?"

"He'll join." Darcy and I agreed instantly.

Reaching for my pocket, I pulled out some golden coins Darcy may or may not have stolen.

"Twenty pieces." I tossed a bag of coins towards Balin.

"We're getting this back right?" Darcy asked me.

"Once he joins." Balin reported.

"Perfect. Twenty pieces." She handed Balin another bag of coins. "You boys are gonna regret this. We Stardust's _never_ lose our bets."

Balin turned to Gandalf. The Grey Wizard pulled the same amount out of his pack. "As my apprentices have said."

"He could stay away for days." Nori pointed out.

"The bet is not considered fulfilled until we have left the Shire." I bargained. "Because he'll be a part of this Company before that point."

"You sound sure of it." Dwalin remarked dryly.

I shrugged, brushing a hand in Lewis' mane. "Just clever. You'll find yourselves used to it." Darcy groaned. "See? My sister's used to it!"

"First Dwarf to bash her skull in will get all of my money." Darcy informed.

I laughed. "You don't have any money! You gave it all to Balin!"

"Yeah? How do you know that?"

"Cause I'm your accountant!"

Gandalf cleared his throat. The Dwarves around us were snickering at the arguments. Darcy just squared her shoulders back, grinning in confidence like she won a fight. I leaned forward to brush Lewis' mane again. The stallion enjoyed the petting.

I started to hum while brushing my hand along his neck.

Darcy held her hand to her forehead, shutting her eyes in annoyance. "Sister, I _swear_ if you hum even one bar of 'On the Road Again', I will kill you."

"... _life is a highway!"_

"God fucking dammit how is that _worse?"_

==AET==

"Wait! Wait!"

Bilbo's excited shouting got us all to stop. I was smirking proudly on Lewis' back, looking over my shoulder at all the Dwarves that bet against him silently groan in dismay. Darcy crackled her fingers, ready to catch the bags of gold that would be tossed our way.

The Hobbit ran up to Balin's saddleside. "I signed it!" I snorted. He just looked like a proud little child, standing there with the contract in hand. He handed the white haired Dwarf the contract.

Balin pulled it open. He checked it over with a pocket-glass. After a moment, he smiled. "Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin Oakenshield."

The dwarves and Darcy gave rowdy cheers. Gandalf and I applauded.

Thorin barely glanced over his shoulder. "Give him a pony." He ordered curtly.

"No, no, no, no, that-that won't be necessary, thank you." Bilbo assured from near the end of the Company. We'd continued moving again. "But I-I'm sure I can keep up on foot. I-I-I've done my fair share of walking holidays, you know. I even got as far as Frogmorton once-WAGH!"

Two Dwarves lifted him onto a pony.

Darcy chuckled beside me. She tried to hide it by leaning into Missy's mane.

==AET==

Seeing Bilbo on a pony was a sight I will happily carry with me until I meet John Watson. I'd snuck a picture already- there was a place in the scrapbook for that.

He was decent on the horse. The pony hadn't complained, instead cheering that she wasn't carrying a smelly dwarf.

"Don't fret, Bilbo." I assured when he trotted up to our side. "Ponies can smell your fear and feel your anxiety. Just take some calming breaths, relax."

Bilbo took the suggested breath. "Yes. Thank you." The horse whined, trotting faster. "Woah. Woah!"

I clicked my tongue, neighing softly for her to slow down. She could tease him later. She agreed- if only I participated in the teasing.

"What-" Bilbo took a more careful hold to the reins. "What magic was that?"

"Not magic, just a gift for animal speak." I informed him. At his confused look I added "I speak horse."

"Oh!"

"Her name is Daisy. She says hello." The horse neighed in agreement. "And that you smell _much_ better than a Dwarf."

"Well. I've had worse compliments." Bilbo remarked. I beamed at him.

"Pay up, you louts!" Darcy shouted. "Money where your mouth is time!"

"Come on, Nori, pay up. Go on." Ori agreed.

Then the money tossing began. Dwarves began to toss bags of coins to each other, some flying overhead one Dwarf to the one behind. Dwarves ducked to avoid flying coins.

"What's that about?" Bilbo asked.

"Oh, they took wagers on whether or not you'd turn up. Most of them bet that you wouldn't." Gandalf answered.

"What did you think?" Bilbo asked.

"Hmmm." Gandalf caught a pouch of coins. He tucked it away. "My dear fellow, I never doubted you for a second."

Multiple Dwarves tossed us their sacks of coins. Darcy and I whooped joyously, pocketing the coins.

The losing Dwarves groaned loudly.

Darcy shrugged. "I told you not to bet against the Stardust's. We _always_ win our bets."

Bilbo sneezed. "Ohh. All this horse hair, I'm having a reaction."

Daisy requested that he not sneeze in her mane. I translated the message for Bilbo. "No, no, wait, wait, stop! Stop!" I started snickering, having to turn my head and keep a lot of the laughs in my throat. "We have to turn around."

Now my laughter was getting louder. Darcy was laughing too- better at hiding it.

"What on earth is the matter?" Gandalf asked.

"I forgot my handkerchief."

I burst out laughing.

"Well now you've set her off!" Darcy complained. Then she saw me reaching for my Bag. "What did you do- you kleptomaniac!"

"I'm not a kleptomaniac!" I argued, holding one of Bilbo's handkerchiefs crunched up in my hand. Darcy gave me a raised eyebrow. "Have any good limes lately, sister?"

She rolled her eyes. "She's never let it go." She grinned at me. "What's in your hand, sister?"

"Shut up." I asked Lewis to trot Bilbo's side. "Here. I took that-"

"Knew it!" Darcy called out, laughing.

"Shut up you know I couldn't help it!" I argued. "Something of _your's_ can go just as missing!" Now her laughter was nervous.

The Dwarves all laughed.

"Move on." Thorin ordered. We all bucked our ponies into gear.

Bilbo accepted the handkerchief. "Did- ddi you take _all_ of them?" He asked.

I shook my head. "Sorry. Just the one."

"What's a kleptomaniac, if you don't mind my asking?" Bilbo asked.

My cheeks went a bit red. "Basically, it means I take things without really realizing it. Or by accident. I know it's hard to believe, but it happens. Stole a sword from a inside a castle once." Bilbo's eyes widened. "It was just _lying there._ I felt bad for it. So I picked it up, and walked away."

"Why don't you just act as Burglar?" Bilbo asked, looking at me with wide eyes.

"That's my problem. I can't steal a thing on purpose. No good at it." I half-lied. Oh I could steal a thing if I wanted too, when I actually put a half-damn into it. More often than not it was easier to Plan it with Darcy and have her do it. It gave her something to keep herself occupied. I'd rather not give her the chance to occupy herself with a dragon.

Bilbo sighed. He wiped his face with the handkerchief before tucking it away.

"You'll have to manage without pocket-handkerchiefs and a good many other things, Bilbo Baggins, before we reach our journey's end." Gandalf advised. "You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers of the Shire, but home is now behind you; the world is ahead."

Bilbo looked out on said plains, a far out look on his face as he realized just _what_ he had signed on for.

 **==AET==**

 **AN: Huh. The things you write when you're avoiding homework.**

 **Thanks to yukicarr and Belinda Valentine Bite, for favoriting**

 **Thanks to yukicarr for following**


	9. Sister's Skills

Darcy and I used to go on roadtrips.

Big ones, that would span distances from state-to-state or the rare coast-to-coast.

We'd climb in the seats of whatever car that we'd stolen that particular week, and drive.

Darcy would pack it up with junk food and soda that she'd bought (with stolen money, she wasn't a _saint_ ). I'd be building the device needed for our short bodies to drive properly. We were always too short for the pedals, or the wheel. The music would be an utter bloodbath to pick- as I liked playing CD's of show tunes and country, while Darcy wanted to play the absolute _loudest_ rock music, or anything that would annoy me to death (example, the worst of the worst of pop music, damn me for introducing her to that garbage). There was a compromise though- we both loved comedy songs (she'll deny it, but she loved comedies and parodies as much as me).

Anyway, I digress.

The point was that Darcy and I would go on long trips, with just each other and the open road for whenever we felt like settling down again. Just us, music, and winding roads. Not to mention us constantly bantering about pretty much anything- Author we should've recorded it, we'd be famous comedians by now if we had.

This was different than traveling with the Company on horseback.

For one, they had _no_ air conditioning. Now, while I knew multiple cooling charms that would chill both my clothes and my body. There were electronics that I could used on my clothing that would make them walking air conditioners. Throw a rock on Earth, and you'd hit a store that sold small handheld fans. Even a child could make a paper fan! Middle Earth had plenty of rocks to throw, and paper to fold, but the people were too smart to ignore my having metal contraptions.

Also there were no headphones- or even radios. Yeah I could sing a tune better than any iPod _(your aunt will say this is me bragging, but she's just annoyed that I can sing her favorite songs better than her so tell her to shut up)_ , but even I needed to rest my throat occasionally.

That's not to say the journey was silent. Far from it, rather. The Dwarves spent a lot of our journey talking, or joking. They told stories of their pasts. Filled with laughter and adventure aplenty. Darcy would throw in a few of our own, editing certain details out obviously. Bilbo had kept silent, though. Sometime during his agreeing and our stopping for camp at night, Bilbo realized he'd made a big decision.

Last bit- horses were _not_ the tan leather seats of an 80's car. I'd _been_ a horse, that didn't mean I liked _riding_ one for _ten hours_ a _day_! I barely liked being on my _feet_ for ten hours a day. This was fucking _murder_.

Now as I had said, we'd made camp for the night. I had set up a small tent for Darcy and myself, equipped to be larger on the inside. A complete accident that had happened when I first built the tent back Home- another side effect of having a percentage of Time Lord in my brain.

Most of the Dwarves fell asleep not long after dinner was had.

Darcy was playing a game of jacks, only she was using a small dagger instead of a bouncing ball.

I sat with the ponies, having a conversation with Lewis and Thorin's horse about how life on Middle Earth was treating them. Both stallions had nice things to say.

Thorin's horse- who'd been named something Dwarfish that he couldn't pronounce, big surprise, and chose the name Brutus- said that Thorin was a better riding partner than the others. It's as I held back laughter at the remark that Bilbo walked up.

Daisy neighed in delight.

"Hello, girl. That's a good girl." Bilbo petted the pony on the mane. Daisy preened in delight. Brutus huffed at it, which made me snort at him. The Hobbit was slipping his horse an apple. "It's our little secret, Daisy; you must tell no one. sh, sh."

"Why Master Baggins." I teased, walking over to a rock behind him. He jumped back in surprise. "Don't you worry. I wouldn't tell a soul." Lewis snorted. "Hush you."

Bilbo smiled, understand that I'd been teasing.

Which was when we heard the screeching.

I winced in discomfort. Across the camp, Darcy's head snapped in attention towards the screeches.

Bilbo looked over to the Dwarves. More specifically, the only two Dwarves among them that were in the shape and form of keeping the peace as my sister. Mostly because they were the only ones left awake.

"What was that?" Bilbo asked, in a ' _hey shouldn't we all be terrified of the noise in the woods that doesn't sound at all nice and why do I feel like the only sane one here?'_

Which I was trying not to take as an insult.

Afterall, I probably _had_ to be insane by this point in my life.

"Orcs." Kíli answered, seeming to come to the realization as the screeching happened again.

Getting up off the rock, I sat closer to my sister. She was holding the small dagger now- no doubt telling herself that I'd kill her if she went after that Orc. She'd be right.

"Orcs?" Bilbo asked.

"Throat-cutters." Fíli clarified, smoking on his pipe. "There'll be dozens of them out there. The lowlands are crawling with them."

Kíli seemed to catch on to his brother's story. "They strike in the wee small hours, when everyone's asleep. Quick and quiet; no screams, just lots of blood." He explained to Bilbo. He became more somber with every word.

Bilbo turned away from them. His hands were gripping the end of his petticoat, his eyes were wide at the images no doubt dancing in his mind. His gaze-though only half focused- happened to land on myself and Darcy. We were glaring in the directions of the boys. They'd begun giggling at Bilbo's expression of fear.

"You think that's funny?" Thorin prompted. He got to his feet to glare down at his now startled nephews. "You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?"

Kíli lowered his eyes in shame. "We didn't mean anything by it." He apologized.

"No, you didn't. You know nothing of the world." Thorin remarked. He walked over to the ponies, staring out at the land below.

The two Dwarves were silent at that.

Balin walked up to their sides. "Don't mind him, laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate orcs." Bilbo moved to listen also. Out of everyone here, he knew the least about the Dwarrow King. "After the dragon took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient dwarf kingdom of Moria. But our enemy had got there first."

Now, as Balin spoke, other Dwarves awakened. They sat up slowly- turning to Balin as he recounted the battle for us. Some must have heard this story for sure- though I doubt any besides Dwalin had heard it from Balin's own mouth.

"Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs lead by the most vile of all their race: Azog, the Defiler. The giant Gundabad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading the King."

I took a quick breath to steady myself. Balin's tale had brought back images of the movie to me. Only in my mind's eye, Thror had be replaced by my sister. Azog replaced by Dominic Chamberlin.

Darcy sat closer to me, making sure her shoulder touched mine. She lowered her own head to rest on my shoulder. She might've known why I had suddenly gone so pale, why I was suddenly holding my arms close to my chest to hold myself together, why I refused to look away from this one lone leaf in the dirt.

"Thrain, Thorin's father, was driven mad by grief."

 _Feeling my sister die...like my heart being crushed inside my chest...finding it so hard to breath suddenly..._

"He went missing, taken prisoner or killed, we did not know."

 _Knowing who killed her...knowing what I had to do now...knowing who I had to kill...wondering how many I would bless with death along the way..._

"We were leaderless. Defeat and death were upon us."

 _Death's coming for you, Dominic...and she's ever so hungry._

"That is when I saw him: a young dwarf prince facing down the Pale Orc." Balin was continuing to explain.

Darcy just kept her head where it was, doing her best to comfort me by feeling her breath beside me. She adjusted herself once more, wrapping an arm around my waist. A shuddering breath came out of me- almost as if her arm had accidentally flicked a switch to start up my lungs.

"He stood alone against this terrible foe, his armor rent…wielding nothing but an oaken branch as a shield. Azog, the Defiler, learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken." Balin recounted for all of the awakened Dwarves. "Our forces rallied and drove the orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated. But there was no feast, no song, that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived."

And he smiled. Balin looked over towards the King. Thorin was still standing vigilant over the cliff's edge.

"And I thought to myself then, there is one who I could follow. There is one I could call King." Balin praised.

Thorin turned- either not seeing anything or he wanted to tell us to end the story at that. He was met with surprise as all the Dwarves were standing on their feet, staring at Thorin in awe and devotion to a Dwarf who they all no doubt now saw as their King.

"But the pale orc?" Bilbo asked, drawing everyone's attention to his soft spoken question. "What happened to him?"

' _Way to kill the mood Bilbo.'_ It took a lot of me not to snort at my remark.

"He slunk back into the hole whence he came." Thorin growled under his breath, all anger directed to the orc. He walked through the Company, back to where he'd been sleeping. "That filth died of his wounds long ago."

Gandalf tensed at that. My sister and I exchanged a knowing look before looking to Gandalf. He silently confirmed our suspicion- or at least implied there was little to prove and little to disprove what Thorin believed to be true.

Either way, I stood to my feet.

"Morgue-" Darcy began.

"I'm going to bed." With that I crawled into our tent. There was no chance I was getting any sleep tonight.

==AET==

 _Sword going through my neck_

 _My daughter screaming for her mother_

 _The light fading from Darcy's eyes_

" _Why didn't you see it?" She asked_

 _Bringing her back...only for her to have a necklace made of scars around her neck...using magic to erase them but still seeing them there constantly._

" _It was supposed to be you."_

I shot awake.

Guess I really _wasn't_ getting sleep tonight.

As I adjusted in my sleeping bag, I tried to settle my mind for sleep. Or at least enough for just lying down for a few hours. Sleep may come, sleep may not.

"Twilight asked me why we would make _you_ in charge." Darcy whispered into the quiet of the night. "We were planning a takedown, and I was setting them up to put you on top. Twilight-the others too, I guess, wanted to know why."

I didn't encourage her.

I didn't tell her to shut up.

Which I guess in a way _is_ encouraging her.

"I'd just killed Emily and George." Darcy went on.

The night she killed the parents that bore her, a familiar memory for us. It was the night her eyes changed from blue to purple. From when she had a home to none. From when I ignored her, to when I paid her attention like a proper sister should.

"You came home. Instead of like, you know, screaming and shit, you just cleaned it all up." Darcy explained. "And- and you just...kept cleaning them. All my life, you were with me and cleaning up after me. You yelled at me, when I screwed up big time-which I'll admit _sometimes_ I deserved...but you kept on doing it. When it came time that _I_ cleaned up _your_ mess...I don't know...it felt like I _got it_. Got why you did it, for all those years. Even when a lot of people would've called the cops or killed me. You did it because a kid was in trouble...and no matter how hard I've seen you try, you couldn't ignore a kid in trouble...or _anyone_ in trouble. It's just not who you are. That made you a hundred times better than that asshole...so I told the ponies that you were getting a crown on your head by the end of it all. Because it was high time you had one."

And though we were loath to admit it by morning...it was the closest we'd felt in years...and the nicest thing Darcy had ever said to me.

==AET==

As the downpour continued, I stayed secure under my hood. It not only served great as a Wizard hood, but a quick charm I remembered from Equestria had gotten the downpour to slide off my hood.

My sister was content to stay in the rain. _V for Vendetta_ , and all.

The Dwarves around us...well they weren't _less_ content...just...more annoyed. The rain had come suddenly to us. Few had rain protection, while the rest made do with their own hats and being wet.

Bilbo wasn't _overjoyed_ at being soaked. He just went with it.

Which made him look like a wet kitten... _so cute!_

"Here, Mr Gandalf, can't you do something about this deluge?" A Dwarf asked over the downpour.

"It is raining, Master Dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done." Gandalf instructed. "If you wish to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another Wizard."

"Darcy could stop it- if she remembered that thing I told her!" I prompted her.

Darcy groaned out- complaining. "But that was so _ha-ha-hard!"_ She whined. Her head rolled back so her whine could be heard over the downpour.

I copied her movement. Groaning also. "Quit being _la-la-lazy_."

"You do it!" Darcy groaned in compliant.

"I never learned!" I argued.

"That's a lie!" She snapped. She had learned that I'd been elevated to Princess in Equestria, standard Alicorn form added on. Which meant I had wings.

"I never learned the breaking clouds part!" I corrected myself.

Darcy groaned, leaning her body against Missy's neck. The mare neighed in annoyance. "Why _not_?!"

"I got busy!" I excused. "There's been a lot going on- you know that!"

"Are there any?" Bilbo asked, bringing his pony behind our's.

Gandalf glanced over his shoulder to the Hobbit. "What?"

"Other wizards?" Bilbo clarified.

"There are seven of us." Gandalf answered. "The greatest of our order is Saruman, the White. Then there are the two Blue Wizards; you know, I've quite forgotten their names."

I glanced at my sister. _:What are their names? I'm curious now.:_ I asked in American Sign Language.

Darcy and I had learned as kids, excited to have a sort of secret language _on top_ of our Twin-Speak. We'd fallen in and out of the practice over the years. We'd had a refresher before Traveling here. Apparently Dwarves has their own Sign Language and-well simply put I like showing off. And using my hands while talking. Sign Language is a good combination of the two.

My sister smirked. _:A-L-A-T-A-R and P-A-L-L-A-N-D-O. They're from a book published by Tolkien's son, with more ideas from L-O-T-R. They didn't have the rights to use the book in the movie, so they're nameless.:_ She signed.

 _:I get it now.:_ I signed back. _:And I'm disappointed.:_

 _:How so?:_

 _:We could've had-:_ I paused to remember the Sign Names we'd given certain Actors.

Mine was the sign for ' _dead_ ' mixed with ' _vacation_ '.

Darcy's was ' _killer'_ , and the letter ' _D'_.

Any Sign Name I was remembering was cut off by Gandalf's continued conversation.

"I am sure by now you know my two apprentices. They are quite new to our Order, I shall admit." Gandalf continued.

"Morgan the Pink." I reminded, bowing an imaginary hat on my head.

Darcy held up a peace sign. Or flipped the bird, I swear ever since she found out that's how Englishmen tell you to fuck off... "Darcy the Red."

"Yes. I am familiar with them." Darcy and I snickered- hidden beneath the downpour. "And who is the seventh?" Bilbo asked.

"Well, that would be Radagast, the Brown." Gandalf answered.

"Is he a great Wizard or is he...more like you?" Bilbo asked plainly.

"Are you insulting the Ladies too?" Darcy asked, challengingly.

Bilbo flustered. "N-no. Of course not."

"I think he's a very great wizard, in his own way." Gandalf admitted, looking at Bilbo with care at the indirect insult. "He's a gentle soul who prefers the company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the East, and a good thing too, for always Evil will look to find a foothold in this world."

"But he won't stop the rain." Darcy told Bilbo.

"You could do it, if you tried." I reminded her.

"Yeah, I could. But the sky is up _there_ , and I'm down _here_. That's _too far!_ " Darcy complained. "Plus I'd have to let my wings out. You didn't teach me how."

"It was the first thing I taught you to do!" I broke through her lie. "You wouldn't stop jumping off the top of the Center, just so you could use your wings before you hit the bottom."

She didn't dare show shame at being caught out in another lie. "Hard core death defying stunt. Nothing _exciting_."

"So will ya stop this rain?" A Dwarf asked. I should _really_ learn all their names...this is getting ridiculous.

"I would, but this is probably the only bath any of you have gotten in weeks." Darcy snarked.

A handful of the lot laughed. Bilbo one of them-the only one with manners enough to cover it up as a cough.

==AET==

The rain stopped aged later. Or rather we'd rode beyond the rain.

Thorin led us towards an old abandoned farmhouse. "We'll camp here for the night. Fíli, Kíli, look after the ponies. Make sure you stay with them."

The Dwarves all nodded in acceptance. Everyone climbed off their horses to get ready.

Gandalf walked off to the farmhouse. I followed behind. Darcy went off to set up our tent.

As soon as I crossed under the barrier of the old door, I shivered. It was like...walking on a grave.

"A farmer and his family used to live here." Gandalf remarked.

I shivered again, rubbing my arms to get the horrifying chill out.

"Oin, Gloin."

"Aye?"

"Get a fire going."

"Right you are."

Thorin was walking towards us. Gandalf turned towards the Dwarrow King. "I think it would be wiser to move on. We could make for the Hidden Valley."

Thorin glowered at Gandalf. An action that I was most familiar with- despite knowing the Dwarf less than a month. "I have told you already, I will not go near that place."

"King Thorin, if I might inquire-" I began, walking so I stood on the sidelines of their fight. "From what Gandalf has told me, the Elves of Hidden Valley are open to travelers of all sorts. Could we not walk by-even for a refreshment of supplies before carrying on?"

"I do not need their supplies." Thorin sneered. More at Elves than at me. _One of the few reasons he still had a face._

"Why not? The Elves could help us." Gandalf added in support of my argument. "We could get food, rest, _advice_."

"Nor do I need their _advice."_ Thorin argued.

"We have a map that we cannot read." Gandalf pointed out to him, in reminder. "Lord Elrond could help us."

" _Help_?" Thorin snarled kingly. "A dragon attacks Erebor, what help came from the Elves?" Gandalf winced. I stayed behind him, keeping my face neutral yet sympathetic. "Orcs plunder Moria, desecrate our sacred halls, the Elves looked on and did nothing."

' _Those were the Mirkwood Elves. Elrond's would help you.'_

"You ask me to seek out the very people who betrayed my grandfather and betrayed my father." Thorin snapped at Gandalf.

"You are neither of them." Gandalf pointed out, as though it were the only difference that mattered. "I did not give you that map and key for you to hold on to the past."

"I did not know that they were yours to keep." Thorin hissed.

I winced. Gandalf went to storm out.

"Gandalf wait-!" I called out. He continued storming away. I sighed. Once Gandalf was out of the house, I turned to Thorin. "Apologies, King Thorin. No offense was meant here."

Thorin glared up at me. Though not in rage as had been for Gandalf. This was more restrained, like he knew being angry at me was stupid. Or maybe because I was a girl, who knows? "Gandalf said you were new to the Order."

I nodded. He didn't ask for a time, so I wouldn't give one.

"Have you met the Elves yet?"

I shook my head.

"All the luck to you for it." Thorin spat on the ground. He turned from me.

 _Well...joy._

After blowing out a sigh, I walked out of the house. The chills were left behind.

Darcy ran up to me.

 _:He's not making us leave with him, is he?:_ I asked.

Darcy shook her head. _:He really wants that time alone. Or maybe he thinks a group of Dwarves-while idiotic-have the means to keep us safe. O-R-C's are in these woods, Morgue. He knows that.:_

 _:He tell you this?:_

 _:No. Why would he?:_

 _:...cause you sounded_ way too _...Not you.:_

Darcy narrowed her eyes. _:Why? Because I'm too_ stupid _to have moments of genuine thought?_ :

 _:Because you sounded grown up.:_ I admitted. _:I never thought I'd hear you like that...I like it.:_

Darcy suddenly flustered. "S-Shut up."

 _:No:_ I smirked.

Bilbo ran up to Darcy and I, looking concerned. "Is he coming back?"

"Yes." I answered before my sister did.

Bilbo swallowed nervously, though more relieved by my answer. "You're sure?"

"A Wizard arrives precisely when he means to. Not a moment sooner." I answered, purposefully cryptic.

My sister rolled her eyes. She knew how much I liked quoting things.

The poor Hobbit hadn't asked for a time after all. Then I'd have gotten to say something cryptic about the sunrise and wouldn't _that_ just have been a blast?

 **==AET==**

 **AN: Oh I forgot how much I liked writing long paragraphs that had absolutely nothing to do with the story...I missed that.**

 **Thanks to Aurora the Void Dragon, Lizzajane63, for favoriting**

 **Thanks to Aurora the Void Dragon, Lizzajane63, for following**


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